Jenelle and I skippity-skip-hopped all the way up to our rooms. We were SCHOOO freakeen happee and exciteddddd! :D
Oh btw, we bolth had our own separate rooms even though it was just the two of us. Why, you ask? Well because the brochure(/website where we originally booked the tickets, presumably?) clearly stated that only handicapped passengers could share rooms. Why, you ask? In case they were in need of assistance, obvi! So yeah, couples/families/the like just all got screwed out of shareen a room I guess. But not the handicapped folks that needed help, which certainly was nawt me! I definitely did not need a caretaker or assistance with theengs like some people did lol. And besides, from the looks of it, none of the other passengers seemed like they even needed help with anytheen either. That was good, because haveen a bunch of gross handicapped people around on this "lesbian party cruise" would, like, TOTES ruin the vibe!
Anyway, Jenelle and my rooms were right next to each other, since she had evidentlee bought our tickets back to back. What kind of rooms did we have, you ask? Like did we have interior rooms, ocean view rooms, rooms with balconies, etc? No fuckeen idea!
The ship was, like, HUGE though. Obvi since it needed to house 2,000 freakeen rooms for all 2,000 freakeen passengers. But how is that possible, you ask, if the ship was allegedlee only the size of the Titanic? And to that I will ONCE AGAIN answer with just...because. Like for real, yew guise. Just like in muh first story, THIS story's universe is nawt based in realitee and is a completelee separate universe that I have created. Therefore, if my descriptions of theengs seem super fucky/weird, you're all just gonna have to accept it! Got it? Yeah? Alright, on with the story:
After Jenelle and I unpacked our suitcases, we bolth headed up to the buffet to get some fudsies. I in particular was, as usual, **LiTuRaLLeE sTaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaRvEeN**!!!
"OMG are those STRAWBERRIES?!" Jenelle squealed in delight as we stood in line. I deedn't even pay her any mind, though. Not because her excitement at seein sometheen as common as freakeen strawberries was extremulee odd, but because I was very taken aback when I saw the word "Brunch" on one of the buffet signs. Like, why did they call it "brunch" if it was so early? But then I turned to muh left and saw that they were, in fact, serveen lunch items as well. Thank GAWAD like fr! I was SCHOOO hongry and just plain ol' breakfast items were definitely nawt goeen to be enough for this gorl! Er, I'm sorry: gorly-pop.
At first I got out muh wallet to pay, but then I remembered that everytheen on "Hello, Darling" was technicallee free! You know, because it was all paid for in the ticket! The fud, alcohol, clubs, activities, etc; everytheen was alreadee paid for! So, uh...it technicallee wasn't all "free" then...since it was all included in the (probablee SUPER fuckeen expensive btw) ticket price? But hey, I liked to at least theenk it was pretty much a 24/7 free-for-all!
The ship was supposed to be takeen off (departing?) at 9:00am. Oh btw, it was around 8:12am currently. You know, just in case you deedn't see the time listed in the title of this Chapter. The times are very important, gorls! They're there for a reason, so you better all have been payeen attention/takeen notes!
While Jenelle and I were pileen up our plates with fud, I happened to notice a suuuuuper attractive gorl spooneen some nastee yuckee grits onto her plate. Blah! However, since the gorl happened to be suuuuuper attractive/just muh type (you know, since I'm GAY!), I decided to do what I did best: put on muh charm and charm her up! ;D
"Come here often ;)?" I asked after waddleen over to her, tuneen into muh **sWeEt ChAriSmA** in order to rock her socks off. The gorl then chockled awkwardlee before answereen.
"On this once-in-a-lifetime-expensive-af-all-womens-cruise? Um, no? Oop I gotta go, my boyfriend's calling me..."
She then walked off while goeen to answer her totallee-rul phone call.
"WHAT THE FAAAAAAWK?!" I yelled in annoyance. "I THOUGHT ALL THE GORLS ON THIS LESBIAN CRUISE WERE GAAAAAY-UH?! ISN'T THAT, LIKE, THE RUUUUULES-UH?!"
"There are no rules on this ship," One of the buffet ladies responded. "And it's an all women's cruise. Not a, erm...'lesbian' cruise."
"And I'm not a lesbian..." Jenelle also pointed out.
"Well, shet..." I sighed in annoyance. That whole situation-type-deal was, like, seriouslee a shot to the heart because normally I could get any gorl I wanted! Oh, and not to mention muh gaydar was always on point. NO I am not a cocky person or a narcissisttttt-uh! It's just that gorls can't (usuallee) resist meeee-uh!
I then met back up with Jenelle, where we both finished pileen fud onto our plates before headeen over to a pair of open seats.
"The food here is heavenly," Jenelle said happilee as she looked down at her boreen-ass plate. All she got was a bunch of fruit and some oatmeal. Not much of a meal, like, at all. I meanwhile had hash browns, aygs (even though scrambled aygs in particular upset muh tummy because of muh ayg allergy/intolerance/whatever tf it is), bagels, sausages, and a HUGE bowl of cheesy pasta (mac and cheese?).
"Why are you eateen like you are tryeen to lose weightttt-uh?" I whined at Jenelle as I rolled muh eyes.
"Because...I am?" Jenelle replied. "I've been dieting ever since I had Jace. You know that."
"Even on vacation?" I pressed. "Gorl, I suh-wear, I'll never understand you!"
Jenelle shrugged before takeen a smol bite of her oatmeal. Meanwhile, I DOVE into muh fud, eateen it all messilee and crazilee like Cookie Monster. Listen, gorly-pops, don't be judgeen me here in this molment! Like I just said, we were on vacation so it was normal to splurge like that. And like I JUST just said: I was LITURALLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE STARVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!
"Ugh, this fud tastes SCHOOO much better than that crap you have on your plate!" I said (rather meanly?) to Jenelle as I (also meanly) pointed and laughed at her plate. She had been, like, so weird with her eateen lately...which she clearly just told me why she was?
After getteen tired of bullyeen Jenelle and her pathetic plate of "fud", I then began focuseen on mine. It was, like, SCHOOO gud and filleeeeen-uh! I then wiped muh mouth with muh sleeve before lookeen back up at Jenelle.
"What's...on...the...agenda...for...today?" I inquired in between face-stuffs.
Jenelle then took out a booklet that had everytheen we needed to know in it: FAQ about "Hello, Darling", the map of the ship, safety instructions, food/drink menus, and the agenda for the next month written out in detail with times. Yup, they were somehow able to fit all of that info into one tiny-ass "booklet".
"June 1st, let's see..." Jenelle trailed off as I quicklee got bored and looked around the room. NO nawt because I was a bad listener! Jenelle was just takeen forever to read everytheen ouuuuut-uh!
Oh em eff gee, there were gorls EVERYWHERE. Attractive gorls ;D. I hadn't seen a single gorl that I wasn't totallee into. I deedn't fall in love, btw. I fell in lust, teehee! I just loved sex because I was a sexy, sexual person who enjoyed doeen all theengs sex-related. NO I am nawt pointeen that out to overcompensate for my lack of a sex liiiife! I'm just giveen you muh character descriptionnnnn-uh!
"Oh, I found it!" Jenelle then snapped me back to realitee (whoop, there goes gravitee!) "Ship departs at 9:00am..."
"Don't you mean it 'takes off' at 9:00am?" I corrected her. She sighed before shakeen her head.
"THEN..." She continued. "At 11:00am there's a game in...Building C? Tf? There's whole-ass separate buildings on this ship?"
"What kind of gaaaaame-uh?!" I whined impatientlee.
"It doesn't say exactly what it's called," Jenelle replied, lookeen confuzzled. "It just says it's some kind of game to get to know fellow passengers. Eh, sounds fun I guess. Maybe we can meet some friends."
"Or some laaaadies with potential hookups!" I pointed out before crackeen tf up at muh super funnee quip. I then continued moween down on muh fud, eager to finish it all and start planneen out what to get on muh next ten plates.
YOU ARE READING
Hello Darling (The Rewrite)
HumorScottie Farral is newly gay, single, and ready to mingle! But what happens when on a women's only month-long cruise, she happens upon a particularly familiar-looking gal that makes her feel things she's never felt before? What happens when she is fi...
