Jenelle and I skippity-skip-hopped all the way up to our staterooms. We were SCHOOO freakeen happy and exciteddddd! :D
Oh btw, we bolth had our own separate rooms even though it was just the two of us. Why, you ask? Well because the brochure(/website where we originally booked the tickets, presumably?) clearly stated that only handicapped passengers could share rooms. Why, you ask? In case they were in need of assistance, obvi! So yeah, couples/families/the like just all got screwed out of shareen a room I guess. But not the handicapped folks that needed help, which certainly was nawt ME! I definitely did not need a caretaker or assistance with theengs like some people did lol. And besides, from the looks of it, none of the other passengers seemed like they needed help with anytheen either. That was gud, because haveen a bunch of gross handicapped people around on this "lesbian party cruise" would've, like, TOTES ruined the vibe!
Anyway, Jenelle and my rooms were right next to each other since I had bought our tickets back to back, because that's TOTALLY how that works! What KIND of staterooms did we have specifically, you ask? Like...did we have interior rooms, ocean view rooms, rooms with balconies, etc? No fuckeen idea!
The ship was, like, HUGE though. Obvi since it needed to house 2,000 freakeen rooms for all 2,000 freakeen passengers. But how is that possible, you ask, if the ship was allegedlee only the size of the Titanic? And to that I will ONCE AGAIN answer with just...because. Like for real, yew guise. Just like in my first story, THIS story's universe is nawt based in realitee and is a completelee separate universe that I have created. Therefore, if my descriptions of theengs seem super fucky/weird, you're all just gonna have to accept it! Got it? Yeah? Alright, on with the story:
After Jenelle and I unpacked our suitcases, we bolth headed down to the buffet to get some fudsies. I in particular was, as usual, **LiTuRaLLeE sTaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaRvEeN**!!!
"OMG are those STRAWBERRIES?!" Jenelle squealed in delight as we stood in the buffet line. I deedn't even pay her any mind, though. Not because her excitement at seein sometheen as common as freakeen strawberries was extremulee odd, but because I was very taken aback when I saw the word "Brunch" on one of the buffet signs. Like, why did they call it "brunch" if it was so early? But then I turned to my left and saw that they were, in fact, serveen lunch items as well. Thank GAWAD like fr! I was SCHOOO hongry and just plain ol' breakfast items were definitely nawt goeen to be enough for this gorl! Er, I'm sorry: gorly-pop.
At first I got out my wallet to pay, but then I remembered that everytheen on "Hello Darling" was technicallee free! You know, because it was all paid for in the ticket! The fud, alcohol, clubs, activities, etc; everytheen was alreadee paid for! So, uh...it technicallee wasn't all "free" then...since it was all included in the (probablee SUPER fuckeen expensive btw) ticket price? But hey, I liked to at least theenk that it was pretty much a 24/7 free-for-all!
The ship was supposed to be takeen off (departing?) at 9:00am. Oh btw, it was around 8:12am currentlee. You know, just in case you deedn't see the time listed in the title of this Chapter. The times are very important, gorls! They're there for a reason, so you better all have been payeen attention/takeen notes!!
While Jenelle and I were pileen fud onto our plates, I happened to notice a suuuuuper attractive gorl spooneen some nastee yuckee grits onto her plate. Blah! However, since the gorl happened to be suuuuuper attractive/just my type (you know, since I'm GAY!), I decided to do what I did best: put on my charm and charm her up! ;D
"Come here often ;)?" I asked after waddleen over to her, tuneen into my **sWeEt ChAriSmA** in order to rock her socks off. The gorl then chockled awkwardlee before answereen.
"On this once-in-a-lifetime-expensive-af-all-womens-cruise? Um, no? Oop I gotta go, my boyfriend's calling me..."
She then walked off while goeen to answer her totallee-rul phone call.
"WHAT THE FAAAAAAWK?!" I yelled in annoyance. "I THOUGHT ALL THE GORLS ON THIS LESBIAN CRUISE WERE GAAAAAY-UH?! ISN'T THAT, LIKE, THE RUUUUULES-UH?!"
"There are no rules on this ship," One of the buffet ladies responded. "And it's an all women's cruise. Not a, erm...'lesbian' cruise."
"And I'm not a lesbian..." Jenelle pointed out.
"Well, shet..." I sighed in annoyance. That whole situation-type-deal was, like, seriouslee a shot to the heart because normallee I could get any gorl I wanted! Oh, and not to mention my gaydar was almost always on point. NO I am not a cockee person or a narcissisttttt-uh! It's just that gorls can't (usuallee) resist meeee-uh!
I then met back up with Jenelle, where we bolth finished pileen our plates until they were sky high. Then we headed over to a pair of open seats and plopped down onto them.
"The food here is heavenly!" Jenelle said happilee as she looked down at her boreen-ass plate. All she got was a bunch of fruit and some oatmeal. Not much of a meal, like, at all. I meanwhile had hash browns, aygs (even though scrambled aygs in particular upset my tummy because of my ayg allergy/intolerance/whatever tf it is), bagels, sausages, and a HUGE bowl of cheesy pasta (mac and cheese?).
"Why are you eateen like you are tryeen to lose weightttt-uh?" I whined at Jenelle as I rolled my eyes.
"Because...I am?" Jenelle replied. "I've been dieting ever since I had Jace. You know that."
"Even on vacation?" I pressed. "Gorl, I suh-wear, I'll never understand you!"
Jenelle simplee shrugged in response before takeen a smol bite of her oatmeal. Meanwhile, I DOVE into my fud, eateen it all messilee and crazilee like Cookie Monster. Listen, gorly-pops, don't be judgeen me here in this molment! Like I just said, we were on vacation so it was normal to splurge like that. And like I JUST just said: I was LITURALLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE STARVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!
"Ugh, this fud tastes SCHOOO much better than that crap you have on your plate!" I said (rather meanly?) to Jenelle as I (also meanly) pointed and laughed at her plate. She had been, like, so weird with her eateen lately and I had no idea why...even though she clearly just told me why?
After getteen tired of bullyeen Jenelle and her pathetic plate of "fud", I then began focuseen all my attention on mine. It was, like, SCHOOO gud and filleeeeen-uh! I then wiped my mouth with my sleeve before lookeen back up at Jenelle.
"What's...on...the...agenda...for...today?" I inquired in between face-stuffs.
Jenelle then took out a booklet that had everytheen we needed to know in it: FAQ about "Hello Darling", a map of the ship, safety instructions, food/drink menus, and the agenda for the next month written out in detail with times. Yup, they were somehow able to fit all of that info into one tiny-ass "booklet".
"June 1st, let's see..." Jenelle trailed off as I quicklee got bored and glanced around the room. NO nawt because I was a bad listener! Jenelle was just takeen forever to read everytheen ouuuuut-uh!
Oh em eff gee, there were gorls EVERYWHERE. Attractive gorls ;D. Like for rul, I hadn't seen a single gorl that I wasn't totallee into. I deedn't fall in love, btw. I fell in lust, teehee! I just loved sex because I was a sexy, sexual person who enjoyed all theengs sex-related. NO I am nawt pointeen that out to overcompensate for my lack of a sex liiiife! I'm just giveen you my character descriptionnnnn-uh!
"Oh, I found it!" Jenelle then snapped me back to realitee (whoop, there goes gravitee!) "Ship departs at 9:00am..."
"Don't you mean it 'takes off' at 9:00am?" I corrected her. She sighed before shakeen her head.
"Then..." She continued. "At 11:00am there's a game in...Building C? Tf? There's whole-ass separate buildings on this ship?"
"What kind of gaaaaame-uh?!" I whined impatientlee.
"It doesn't say exactly what it's called," Jenelle replied, lookeen confuzzled. "It just says it's some kind of game to get to know fellow passengers. Eh, sounds fun I guess. Maybe we can meet some new friends."
"Or some potential hookups in MY case!" I pointed out before continueen to mow down on my fud.
YOU ARE READING
Hello Darling (The Rewrite)
HumorScottie Farral is gay, single, and ready to mingle! But what happens when on a women's only month-long cruise, she happens upon a particularly familiar-looking gal that makes her feel things she's never felt before? What happens when she is finally...
