Escaping you

Chapter Nineteen- Ten seconds

He just slapped me. He just slapped me in the face.

I replayed that sentence in my head over and over again, hoping that the more I say it, the more I'll believe it's a dream and I will wake up. But I don't. I stand there completely still and frozen. Unsure of whether what just happened, did actually happen. My cheek feels hot to touch, I feel a tingling sensation fill my cheek bone as I cradled it with my hand. There is no way he would do this. Sam would not do this. He wouldn't. When I make eye contact with him, his eyes are filled with disappointment and anger. Then I feel a tear form and drip down my face. His facial expression then turns to guilt, within milliseconds. I just want to know what he is thinking but I can't bring myself to speak, to bring momentum to say a single word.

10 seconds it took. 10 seconds and everything's changed. Everything is different from here on out. We have been through so much, he has taken care of me these last few weeks, thinking and worrying about assignments, keeping up with social life and looking after me while drunk. Us sleeping together for the first time. Most of all my father. There was not a chance in hell he would do this. He couldn't. I have to be in a nightmare. He cares for me; he loves me right even if he hasn't said it? you don't hurt the person that you love. He wouldn't hurt me, I have witnessed a temper of his lately, funnily enough it is since we became 'officially' boyfriend and girlfriend. Not that I see the point in asking to be each other's. It is just the norm. Does he feel has some sort of control now?

"You made me do that" He finally spits out. This is my fault. Am I to blame? "If you had just sat down, spoke to me like a normal fucking human. This wouldn't have happened. Fucking hell Casey, it's always you" I guess it is.

I stand away from him now, I can't stay here. Not now, when all I can see is someone completely different in front of me. This isn't the Sam I met 3 months ago. But I feel his fingers wrap round my wrists, slamming me back down to the mattress. His grip tightens, I try and fight his resistance on me, trying to break free from his hold. I can't.

I can feel the friction from his fingers grasping tighter and tighter fueling the intense pain that is burning through my skin.

"You're hurting me" I sob.

With that he stops immediately, clearly shocked at his own actions when he catches my eye and sees the fear flooding me and my cheeks soaked with tears. Does he realize what he just did?

"Oh my god, Case" He takes a breath. "I am so sorry. Oh baby, you know I didn't mean it. You know I wouldn't do this intentionally. It's okay. You're okay." I didn't think he would even do this at all. But he has and I am not okay. He says this as he released his hands and moved one of them upwards to cradle my cheek. I retracted from his touching pulling myself away. I flinched. I look down at my wrists at the extreme friction burn he has left behind, tugging at the sleeves of my jumper. That did not just happen.

"I-I want to go home" I stutter, scared of his reaction to my words. I'm scared of him. His face says it all.

"No" He shakes his head. "No please don't. I'll make it up to you. Dinner is going to be ready soon, just stay please" He pleads.

My heart shatters because I can see he is sorry. I know he is. He wouldn't do this on purpose. I believe he wouldn't. But I am shattered because of my fear of what could happen next if I stay, and we argue again. I don't want to leave him. But I can't stay here any longer.

"I need to go Sam" I have never gathered my belongings so fast in my life. Not even on my first day of school, college or university. This is because I never thought that the person I thought loved me the most would hit me... well at least I think loves me. I can see in the corner of my eye the slight swelling on my cheek bone, I can feel the throbbing, then shift my priorities to getting out of this apartment now. I can hear him saying my name, it's almost like an echo, that I chose to ignore.