Beneath the Surface

Part 12

The moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow into Longtai's dimly lit room. He sat on the edge of his bed, the mattress slightly sagging beneath him. The walls were adorned with various photos, remnants of a creative soul struggling with the weight of his past. Shadows danced across the room, their movement mirroring the turmoil within him.

Longtai's mind replayed the earlier encounter with Ren like an unwelcome film loop. The words echoed in his head, sharp and mocking. "And who's this? You've got someone looking after you now? How cute." Each repetition stung like a fresh wound, anger bubbling beneath the surface. He hated how easily those words could penetrate the walls he had carefully built around himself.

He stood abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor as he paced the room, his heart racing with conflicting emotions. He stopped at his bedside drawer, yanking it open with a force that startled him. Inside lay remnants of his struggle-medications, a few crumpled papers, and scattered drawings that told stories he was too scared to share. His hand trembled slightly as he reached for the small bottle, pouring out two pills and washing them down with a swig of water. The bitterness of the pills lingered on his tongue, but he swallowed hard, hoping to wash away the turmoil that had settled in his chest.

Longtai closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he leaned against the wall, trying to steady himself. But the thoughts continued to swirl, relentless and suffocating.

He felt a surge of anger towards himself, mixed with confusion. Yok had been kind, supportive even, and Longtai found comfort in his presence. But that comfort also terrified him. With every shared smile, every moment of genuine connection, he felt the walls he had built around his heart begin to crumble.

"What if I'm lowering my guard again?" he pondered aloud, his voice barely above a whisper. The fear clawed at him, a familiar grip he had experienced time and time again. He felt like a prisoner to his own emotions, locked in a battle between wanting to let Yok in and fearing the inevitable pain of loss that always followed.

Longtai sank back onto the bed, running a hand through his hair as he stared blankly at the floor. Memories flooded his mind-faces of those he had let into his life before, only to watch them slip away when things became too difficult. He recalled the moments of laughter, the warmth of friendship, and then the cold reality of abandonment.

The walls he had erected felt like a fortress now, but each brick seemed to tremble at the thought of vulnerability. What if Yok sees his dark side?, The question hung heavily in the air, a specter haunting his thoughts. Longtai felt a chill run down his spine, an instinctual dread that clung to him. What if Yok, in all his kindness, glimpsed the scars beneath the surface-the pain, the insecurities, the darkness he fought so hard to keep hidden?

His breath quickened, and he wrapped his arms around himself as if to shield his heart from the impending threat of emotional exposure. He could feel the walls pressing in around him, the suffocating fear of rejection tightening its grip. A truth he had faced too many times before. Each time he allowed someone in, he risked being left alone, abandoned once again.

Longtai pressed his palms against his eyes, fighting back the rush of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He had worked so hard to keep his distance, to protect himself from the hurt that always followed. But now, with Yok, everything felt different. The connection they shared was raw and unfiltered, yet the fear of vulnerability loomed large.

"Maybe I should just push him away," he murmured, but deep down, he knew he didn't want that. He wanted to feel-he craved connection-but the fear of getting hurt was a shadow that loomed over him, darkening every thought.

With a shaky breath, he opened his eyes, staring at the walls around him, the drawings that reflected his inner turmoil.

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