Fragrances.

15: Girl of Now - Elie Saab.

Fragrance: Girl of Now - Elie Saab

Notes: Pistachio, Pear, Patchouli

Effects: Calm, Comfort, Relaxation

Lilith

After the day at the beach, I fell asleep rather quickly, cuddled up in Benito's arms. The way we had slept with one another beforehand had done something to me. His words repeated themselves in my mind. Let me love you. They made my heart race and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuinely appreciated beyond my body or my skills. You were incredibly brave today, I'm proud of you. I was dreaming about that moment but then something shifted. The nice room we were in changed into a pitch black one and when I tried to call out for Benito, I noticed that I was underwater. I could see the surface above me but a force pulled me deeper and deeper. There was literally nothing underneath me, just darkness. Of course, I tried swimming up but I couldn't. Panic was washing over me. I was reliving the moment that had given me thalassophobia in the first place. As I kept on sinking, I could hear a faint voice, softly calling out to me. It was Benito but no matter how hard I tried to find him, I couldn't.

I shot up in the bed, breathing heavily - yapping for air even - sweat was running down my neck. As I slowly started to realise that it had been a nightmare, I felt Benito put his hand on my shoulder. He softly pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me.

"I didn't mean to wake you up." I mumbled, still trying to catch my breath.

"Don't worry, I wasn't sleeping yet." he responded, brushing some hair out of my face. "What did you dream about?" he then asked quietly.

"The day that gave me thalassophobia." I answered, scooting away from him to get out of the bed. I needed something to drink because my mouth felt incredibly dry. My legs were shaking as I was walking towards the door. We actually didn't share a bedroom, I had my own but in that moment I had been glad that I had fallen asleep next to him. Benito followed me all the way to the kitchen. As I passed my room, I stopped and walked into it.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." I heard behind me, while I grabbed a small round bottle from the desk in the room. You see, I had a comfort scent that calmed me down. I didn't wear it, I only ever smelt at the cap to relax.

"Oh, no, you didn't. I just need to calm down." I told him and held the little spray bottle up.

"A perfume?" he asked a little confused, walking up to me. I nodded in response and smelt at the cap, immediately feeling a lot better. Benito watched me in concern, he was very visibly worried about me. Pressing his lips together, he took the bottle from me as also smelt it. He wanted to press at the top to spray it on me but I stopped him.

"Why don't you wear it? It smells good." he asked a little confused.

"Uh, they changed the notes... If I use it, I'm losing my comfort smell." I told him, grabbing it from his hands again. I think he realised in that moment that fragrances were more than just a passion to me. They had always had effects on me and that's why I was so eager about them.

Thirty minutes later, we had sat down in his kitchen. He had insisted on making me a tea and since I knew how stubborn he could be, I had let him do so. I was stirring my cup, watching the tea bag dance around in the water.

"What happened on that day?" he asked, after a while. I looked up at him and sighed.

"We were on a family vacation, I was 11 or 12. My parents had wanted to go snorkelling. When I got back to the surface after the first go, I accidentally dropped my goggles into the water. Of course, they started sinking, so I went after them. The water there wasn't deep, you could still see the ground but it was too deep to reach it. As I was going down, a fish brushed my leg and it made me panic. I completely lost orientation and instead of swimming up, I swam down. If my brother hadn't noticed that, I would've drowned." I told him. He watched me, studied my face, tried to figure out how he could comfort me.

"Wow, I can definitely understand why you're so scared of the deep sea now." he said and reached for my hand. I let him take it, knowing that his touch would soothe me. Just talking about this day, triggered memories that made me feel anxious.

"I usually don't think about it much but I guess today triggered memories." I mumbled, shrugging.

"If I had known, I would've never asked you to come on that boat ride." he almost whispered. A small smile spread across my face. His concern and empathy let my heart skip some beats.

"Don't blame yourself. It was my choice." I reassured him. He picked my hand up from the table and pulled it towards his lips.

"I'm sorry though." he said and softly kissed the back of my hand. That soft and small gesture alone gave me goosebumps. "Please don't tell me there's a traumatic experience behind that little scar between your brows too." he then joked. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, I just slipped in a pool and hit my head, when I was 8." I told him, causing him to let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll make sure to keep us away from the ocean tomorrow." he then said slowly.

"Oh, don't worry, I love the beach still, I just don't want to go into the water again." I answered and chuckled. "What did you have in mind for tomorrow?" I then asked curiously.

"Do you know how to ride?" he counter questioned with a mischievous look on his face. I simply nodded.

"Yeah, I do. Wait, you know how to ride a horse?" I gave back surprised.

"Mhm." he responded and chuckled.

"You definitely don't look like a horse guy but I like it." I said, getting up from my chair. I made my over to him, stopping with my knees touching his.

"I love horses actually. I have two back in LA." he told me, his hands finding my waist. I raised my eyebrow at him. The more I was learning about him, the more I started to like him. He was such a good person, his activism in Puerto Rico alone - yes, I had done my research -, had shown me that. It made me think how he ended up being labelled a playboy.

"Hey, how did you get your reputation?" I asked, putting my hands around his neck. He quickly smiled and looked down.

"After my relationship with Gabriela ended, I just wanted to have fun. I was always honest about that to the women I dragged off though. You know, enjoy life, do the things I wanted but that didn't mean that I wasn't open to relationships. Then I met Kendall and after her, I just did the same thing again, I just stopped caring about telling them that I didn't want a relationship." he explained slowly. He was being honest about it. "And when I met you, I thought you were a challenge, maybe a little tougher than the other women but definitely worth a little chase." he continued. "The press gave me that label because I had the same thing you had done." he finished, caressing my cheek. We were incredibly alike - at least in that sense - and I started wondering if that had been the reason why I had kept him around for so long. I got bored easily but Benito was anything but boring, especially his reactions to my fragrances had been different. I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. I knew I could trust him and I didn't mind getting attached to him at all, even if he would break my heart.