The whole world stopped

Chapter 11

– Offroad –

I haven't had a wink of sleep. All night long, I tossed and turned, my mind spinning in endless circles, the sheets feeling too empty, too cold. It was really funny how I spent the majority of my adult life sleeping alone. Even when I was dating other people, I felt uncomfortable sharing my bed. But now, after just a little more than a month in Daou's arms, with my head tucked under his chin, I was ruined. A month was all it took for him to become my anchor, my safe place, and now, without him, I felt like I was drifting.

I have read his text a hundred times. Even after I'd left him in the middle of the night, without any explanation, confused, he still reached out, putting the ball in my court, again. He trusted me to come back, trusted that I'd explain. That trust weighed heavy on my chest because I wasn't sure I deserved it. I hadn't earned it, not after running away like a coward.

I kept spiraling out of control all night. I kept telling myself that it's good to end it now, before I got too attached. But who was I kidding, I was head over heels for the guy. I loved the way he smiled, the way he always knew when I needed space and when I needed him close. I loved that he saw through all those walls I put up.

But I kept trying to convince myself that this was for the best, that because he still thought of me as someone worthy, maybe we could remain friends. I didn't think I could live with a Daou shaped hole in my heart.

By the time morning came around, I managed to half-heartedly convince myself that breaking up was the best course of action. And I kept repeating this in my head on the way to the shoot. And if I was trying to calm myself during the ride there while listening to Daou sing, no one needed to know that.

When I arrived at the shoot, I spotted Joong, Est, and Diamond talking near the entrance. My heart sank. I'd completely forgotten that Daou's friends were also part of this campaign. I froze, panic shooting through me. Did they know? Had Daou told them what happened? Were they mad at me?

I walked towards them, a little apprehensive.

"Hey guys !" I said trying to sound as cheerful as possible even though I was on the verge of tears.

Joong turned towards Est and Diamond, "I'm going to get ready, see you guys later," and he left, not sparing me a glance. I watched him go, not knowing how to react.

"Hey Offroad, excuse him, Daou asked us to come to him and we stayed up all night. Joong didn't get his beauty sleep and he is a little cranky. I'll go talk to him. See ya later" Est said apologetically before running after Joong.

All I could think about was the fact that Daou asked his friends to come. He'd told me before how he relied on Joong and Est whenever he started to spiral into his own sadness. He didn't like being alone with his thoughts, and last night, I'd left him to do just that.. Did my leaving trigger him? I didn't want to make him sad, the whole point of me leaving was to not burden him with my insecurities, to keep him from dealing with my mess. But instead, I'd hurt him. I'd made him feel like I didn't trust him enough to handle it with me.

"Oh honey... what have you done ?" Diamond's soft tone made a single tear slip down my face. "Oh no, come here," He took me in his arms.

"I'm a coward Diamond, I fucked up. I got scared yesterday and ran away from him. Now I learn that he felt so bad that he called his friends? People on X are right, I'm not good enough for him" I hiccupped while his hand was caressing my back, trying to calm me down.

Before he could answer, Nun interrupted us "I'm sorry guys, you need to start getting ready".

"We'll talk about this later, I'll go home with you after the shoot, okay ?" Diamond said.