In the Silence, She Speaks"

Fragile Smiles

I couldn’t stop thinking about her words—about how she said I have a better life and shouldn’t waste it. And the way she always seems to turn away when I mention dying… what does she really mean? I walked into the classroom, scanning the room for her. But where is she?

Then, I spotted her—sitting with her friends. I started to move toward her, but seeing all the people around her, I hesitated and turned back, heading to my usual seat instead.

As the teacher entered the room, my eyes drifted to her again. She was sitting beside her friend. Was she upset about what happened yesterday? Did I say something wrong?

For a moment, I tried to push it out of my mind. Why do I even care? I thought, just as the bell rang, signaling the end of class. She had already left. I grabbed my things and walked out, heading to my usual spot by the lake. For the last few minutes, I just stared into the water, trying to catch my reflection. But it was blurry—just like everything in my life. Every ripple distorted my face.

This lake... it’s where I always think about drowning myself. Why do I keep coming back to this? Why do I always want to die? Everyone has their own problems, their own mistakes... I’m no different. Depression, problems, mistakes... and my sins—sins I can’t forgive myself for.

I stepped onto the edge of the grill, ready to jump. But just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and a familiar voice spoke, “Are you planning to jump?”

I turned around, my heart recognizing that voice. It was her.

I stepped back from the edge, looking away. “What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to sound indifferent.

She rocked playfully on her feet. “Are you really that desperate to die?”

“What do you care? Why are you asking me that?”

She shrugged. “Because you're lucky. You have a life, but you still want to throw it away. What’s the reason? Do you really want to die?”

I swallowed hard. “It’s none of your business. Go back to your friends, like you did this morning.”

She laughed lightly. “They’re having fun. But I saw you, and you looked... alone. So I came over. Why do you want to die? Is something bothering you? You can talk to me if you want. I won’t tell anyone.”

I cut her off quickly, my voice sharp. “No, I don’t want to share anything. I’m fine being alone. You shouldn’t waste your time on someone like me.”

Without waiting for her response, I turned and walked away.

The teacher finished his lecture with, "So everyone, study hard for your exams. They're coming soon, and your results will decide which university you get into." As soon as the bell rang, everyone walked out.

I was on my way home when I saw her approach me again.

"Hey, why did you leave so suddenly?" she asked.

"I had work," I replied curtly.

"Why are you always so cold? Why can't you ever talk politely?" She sounded frustrated. I stopped walking, turning slightly towards her.

"Listen, this is who I am. If you don't like it, leave," I said flatly, then turned to walk away.

"No, I just..." Her voice trailed off, but I kept walking, leaving her behind.

As I took a deep breath, something tugged at me, and I turned around to say something. What I saw made my heart stop. She was sitting in the middle of the path, crying, clutching her head.

I rushed back to her. "What happened? Are you alright?" I asked, concern filling my voice.

"Yeah, I'm... just... can you pull out the pill bottle stuck in my bag zipper?" she mumbled. I did what she asked and handed her the pills. She swallowed them and sat down on a nearby bench.