What It Is to Burn

Facing Reality

Years after Pops passed, things seemed to have gotten better for Mordecai, or so it seemed on the surface. He had gotten into a good art school was honing his craft, and even had some children of his own yet despite this something seemed to be missing to him, that he wouldn't quite admit. This thing in question knew just how to crawl around in his head, just enough to make him question his life and what he had been up to. 

It sucks, but life, in general, is never easy, always having some obstacle in the way that halts progress from being achieved. It's annoying downright irritating but Mordecai had gotten used to this. Especially, given his messy relationship track record. The longer he tried to prolong this disappointment, the worse it got for him. He was trying to keep a secret from Stef, a VERY BIG one at that.

He had been messaging CJ for a couple of months, nothing sexually explicit, but knowing how much it'd upset her Mordecai didn't want to come public about it. After all, it wasn't like he could ruin this relationship too, could he? That would be pulling a "Mordecai" to the extreme something he hated doing and the former park employee knew that his friends and former co-workers hated him doing that too. 

After all, for Mordecai falling in love with people is easy, it's staying in love with people that he struggles with. Especially if someone new comes along, or someone from his past re-emerges into his life, to throw him off it's what happened when Margaret came back into his life after dumping him for college. He and CJ had something different, that felt genuine but was ruined squarely by himself and Margaret's interference. 

This revelation made things harder for him, as he truly did feel guilty about dumping CJ at Muscle Man's wedding it was harsh, and not necessary especially given how close the two were at some point. Stef wasn't bad, it's just he no longer felt a strong connection to her. Which sounds extremely rude but the truth isn't always pleasant to hear, let alone easy to admit.

For Mordecai denying stuff and acting like he was fine when he wasn't was just something he did way too often, sure this habit could be broken but it's hard to get out of bad habits, especially at his age. As time slipped away, Mordecai reminisced of simpler times, maybe not exactly simple, by any means, rather difficult times of his tenure at the Park. Pops sacrificed himself so that everyone else could live, and it wouldn't be ignored by anyone who knew the jolly pink lollipop, obsessed guy.

 Pops was too innocent, kind, and pure for this world in a lot of ways. After sighing, he pulled out his phone and sent a text message to CJ about meeting up for coffee, as much as he didn't want to admit it, he did miss her, and the more he thought about her it was like a thousand daggers stabbing him in the chest. 

To put it mildly, it was guilt that was eating away at him for what he said, what he did, and how he threw away his chance with her just because he wanted Margaret all those years ago. Was Margaret a good choice in the end?

She dumped him to go to college and pursue her journalism career, he was trying to get over her, met CJ and didn't date her at first, then grew to like her, eventually dated her, and then Margaret returned and things went south. Kissing her again was a mistake, then dumping CJ at the wedding it was frustrating to him how stupid he was! He's a married man now, and he's well aware of how risky texting CJ is alone.