FORBIDDEN TIES

9.

Keeya Modise

It’s Sunday, a day that I usually dedicate to cleaning the house, spending quality time with Enzo, and resetting for the week ahead. But today feels a little different—there’s a heaviness lingering in my chest. I’ve gotten used to Mlungisi texting or calling me first thing in the morning, checking up on me, and sending sweet messages. But today, just like yesterday, there’s been nothing from him. No messages, no calls.

I check my phone out of habit and scroll through my social media. I find messages from my Ma and Babah—Mr. and Mrs. Modise, who have practically adopted me and my sister as their own—but nothing from Mlungisi. I can't help but think about how yesterday must’ve gone for him, how perfect his day with his wife and kids must have been. He probably spent the entire weekend immersed in his real family, completely forgetting about me.

With a deep sigh, I toss my phone to the side and get out of bed. It’s no use dwelling on things I can’t control. I might not have his attention today, but I have Enzo, and that’s all that matters right now. I need to focus on her and make the best of the day.

I start by changing my bedding, wanting to feel the freshness of new sheets against my skin later tonight. Once that’s done, I hop into the shower. The hot water washes away some of my anxiety, but the thoughts of Mlungisi still linger. I try to push them aside and focus on the tasks ahead. After drying off, I slip into a pair of comfortable black tights and an oversized t-shirt—perfect for a day of housework and lounging around with Enzo.

By the time I finish getting dressed, Enzo is awake, but she’s not in the best mood. She’s throwing tantrums, refusing to eat anything other than the food she brought home from the mall yesterday. I can’t help but smile a little at her stubbornness—she’s got such a fiery spirit.

“Okay, okay, you win,” I say, giving in to her demands. “You can have yesterday’s food, but after that, we’re back to eating proper meals, okay?”

She nods, satisfied with her little victory, and I warm up the leftovers from the burger joint we visited. As she eats, I take the opportunity to clean up her playroom. My sister, Sbusi, had gone all out when she visited, helping me set up the perfect little space for Enzo to play and let her imagination run wild. It’s filled with colorful toys, books, and a tiny table where she loves to sit and draw.

Once Enzo is done eating, I give her a quick bath and dress her in something comfortable—just a pair of leggings and a cute little t-shirt. She heads straight to her playroom, happy to entertain herself for a while.

With her occupied, I get to work on the house. I turn on my Bluetooth speaker and connect it to my phone, scrolling through my music library until I land on a throwback—“Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo. I crank up the volume and start singing along, letting the music lift my spirits. There’s something about old-school R&B that always makes me feel better.

As the music plays, I dance around the house, broom in hand, tidying up and dusting off surfaces. I move from room to room, making sure everything is neat and organized. When I get to my bedroom, I open the curtains wide, letting in as much sunlight as possible. The fresh air from the open windows gives the house a light and airy feeling, making the whole space feel alive.

While cleaning, my mind wanders back to Mlungisi. I know what I signed up for—I knew he was married from the beginning—but seeing him yesterday with his family, looking so happy, brought up emotions I hadn’t prepared for. I’m starting to realize that this arrangement might not be as simple as I thought. I care about him, more than I should, and that’s where the problem lies. But what can I do now? I’m already in too deep.

By the time the clock hits 3:30 PM, I’ve finished cleaning the entire house. I take a moment to admire my work—the place looks spotless. Feeling accomplished, I head to the kitchen to make lunch for me and Enzo. I throw together a simple meal—grilled chicken with salad for me and some chicken nuggets with veggies for her.

After we’ve eaten, we settle onto the couch for some cuddle time. I put on “Inside Out”, one of Enzo’s favorite movies. She snuggles up next to me, her head resting on my shoulder as we watch the colorful characters come to life on the screen. About halfway through the movie, I feel her breathing slow, and before I know it, she’s fallen asleep. I pull a blanket over us and soon find myself drifting off as well.

When I wake up, the living room is dark, and the clock reads 8:45 PM. I must’ve been more tired than I thought. Gently, I shift Enzo off my lap and head to the kitchen to order dinner. I decide on KFC—it’s quick, easy, and Enzo loves it. While I wait for the delivery, I check my phone again. Still no message from Mlungisi. A part of me wants to text him first, to remind him that I exist, but my pride gets in the way. I’m not going to chase him. If he wants to ignore me, fine. I’ll just focus on myself and Enzo.

The KFC arrives a little while later, and I set the table for dinner. Enzo, now awake and full of energy, digs into her chicken with excitement. We eat in comfortable silence, both of us too tired to talk much after the long day we’ve had. Once we’re done, I clean up the kitchen and get Enzo ready for bed.

With her tucked in and fast asleep, I finally have a moment to myself. I take out the outfits I’ve prepared for tomorrow—something simple for work and a cute little dress for Enzo to wear to kindergarten. As I lay the clothes out, I feel a sense of calm wash over me. No matter what happens with Mlungisi, no matter how complicated things get, I have my daughter. She’s my priority, my little ray of sunshine in a world that sometimes feels too cloudy.

I slip into bed, exhausted but content. Today was a good day, despite the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on. As I close my eyes, I remind myself that I am strong, I am independent, and I am more than enough. Tomorrow is a new day, and I’ll face whatever comes with my head held high.