The Day We Find Love

Isn't The First Time

Early 2009
~ Choi Heewon.

I finally returned to South Korea after spending 8 years abroad. After a few days of jet lag, I am finally going to see my brother's concert for the first time today. My brother is none other than Choi Siwon of Super Junior.

"Noona, you're coming right?" Siwon suddenly opened the door of my bedroom without knocking. Siwon being Siwon, my annoying little brother.

"Yes, Siwon, I'll come," I got up and sat in my bed. I looked at Siwon, he was standing at my door.

"Great! Don't forget your ticket. I already bought you a light stick, I put it on your dining table. I also got you a banner with a photo of mine," Then he went to my kitchen, and I could hear him take something from my fridge.

I got up from my bed and stood at my bedroom door to check where he put the ticket, light stick, and banner.

"Okay, okay, I'll bring all of those, thank you so much, my handsome brother," I smirked, and then I got back to my bed, but Siwon stopped me a gave me a light hug before he went outside.

"Alright then, see you after the concert, Noona!" He went outside, waiting for his manager to pick him up.

Just when I was going back to sleep, my little sister came.

"Eonni, can I borrow your bag?" She went straight to my closet and took one of my bags before I said yes. "What are you still in bed? Shouldn't you get ready for Siwon-oppa concert?"

"I still got a few hours, Jiwon. Let me sleep for a while. You go with me, don't you?"

"Sorry, Eonni, you have to go alone. I have to accompany Mom in your place to go to the food tasting, remember?"

Ah, yes, today I am supposed to have a food tasting for my wedding. But instead, I chose to see the Super Junior concert. Mom understood that I'd been abroad for years and never watched my brother on stage. Besides, it's just food tasting. I'm sure Mom knows better. Yes, I know it is my wedding. It is more like a political wedding. My fiancee was the son of Dad's business partner. For one reason or another, I agreed to carry out this wedding.

***

After the concert, I found myself in a Super Junior's green room. Siwon's manager waited for me after the concert and took me to the backstage. To think about it, now I regret it. I should have refused and waited outside. Yeah, I know sooner or later it will happen, but not now. I've just realized that I am not ready yet.

He was right in front of me, and my heart skipped a beat the second our eyes met.

He greeted me awkwardly, "H-hi, I'm Leeteuk, the leader of Super Junior. Long time no see... Choi Heewon-ssi?" It seemed like he wasn't sure if it was really me.

"Ah, yes, hello. I'm Choi Heewon, Siwon's noona." I emphasized 'Siwon's noona' because all the members were there. It wasn't that I didn't want everyone to know that Leeteuk and I already knew each other. It was just... complicated.

As I stood there, memories of the past flooded back. The last time we met, our conversations were filled with hurt. I had left without a proper goodbye, and the guilt had lingered ever since.

I looked away because I couldn't bear to meet his eyes. What would I see there? Anger? Or, indifference? My heart ached with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved feelings.

He seemed equally uncomfortable. His usual confident demeanor was replaced with uncertainty. Was he remembering our last conversation too?

He cleared his throat, trying to break the tension. "It's been a long time. How have you been?"