I can't stand feeling this suffocating pressure
It bleeds from my lungs trying to make room for air and security; security that one day I will be able to take a gasp of air and feel good about it.
That one day, I will be able to live and not be so self-absorbed in just surviving.
It's exhausting.
Clawing my way out of my own mind;
I can't escape. No matter how hard I try running or expelling it from my skull, it's stuck there. The thoughts swelling up till I pop.
But the worst part is I won't even realize my body is failing until it's too late.
Until my enthusiastic smile and listening ears wear down to nothing but skin over bone.
Until my eyes can no longer support everyone else's problems with kindness and lies.
Until I forget who I am..
I pray that one day I find who I am meant to be, even if that means that this body of mine has to struggle now for the sake of a developing identity.
I will give this body a worthy owner one day through growth and God, but I just need time to find her.
