The Pages of Me

CHAPTER 3

Days passed, and though Maya wasn't entirely free from the grip of her thoughts about him, something inside her had shifted. The constant ache of waiting felt duller, and she started filling her days with things that had nothing to do with him. Slowly but surely, she was beginning to rediscover the parts of herself that she had pushed aside for far too long.

One afternoon, as the soft hum of city life drifted through her open window, Maya sat at her desk, staring at her journal. It had been ages since she last wrote in it. The blank pages seemed to mock her, daring her to confront everything she had avoided.

She picked up her pen and started to write.

"Kung gusto niya, ginawa na niya. Ilang beses ko na bang sinabi 'yan sa sarili ko? Pero parang paulit-ulit lang. Lahat ng tao sa paligid ko, nakikita nila. Lahat sila, alam nilang kailangan ko nang bumitaw. But why can't I?"

The words flowed freely, and with each stroke of the pen, she felt like she was peeling away a layer of denial she had wrapped around herself. Writing had always been her way of processing, but lately, she had been too caught up in waiting for him to say the words that would make her feel whole again.

"Pero ngayon, kahit na masakit, kailangan ko na yatang tanggapin. Walang kwenta maghintay sa taong walang balak bumalik. He won't come. And if he did... would that even be enough? I deserve more. I want more. And it's time I stop pretending that he can give it to me."

She paused, reading the words back. It felt liberating, like she had finally spoken aloud what her heart had been trying to tell her all this time. For so long, she thought that by holding on, she was fighting for love. But now she realized that by letting go, she was fighting for herself.

Her phone buzzed, cutting through her thoughts. For a brief moment, her heart skipped a beat, as if it were muscle memory to hope it was him. But it wasn't. It was Lani.

Lani: "Tara, dinner tayo mamaya. We haven't had real girl time in a while. You up for it?"

Maya smiled. Lani had always known when to pull her out of her funk. And this time, she didn't hesitate.

Maya: "Sige! See you at 7.

After replying, she stood up from her desk and walked to the mirror. She stared at her reflection, noticing the tiredness around her eyes. But she also saw something else—determination. There was a quiet strength she hadn't noticed before. Maybe it had always been there, buried beneath her constant longing for someone else's validation.

Suddenly, the phone buzzed again. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw his name flash across the screen.

Him: "Hey, are you free tonight? I was thinking we could catch up."

For a moment, her heart raced, the familiar tug of hope pulling her back into the same old cycle. He was finally reaching out after all these days. But something felt different this time. The excitement that used to rush through her veins was replaced with a strange calmness.

She read the message again. It was the same pattern. He'd pull away for days, maybe even weeks, then pop back into her life with a casual message, like nothing had changed. And every time, she'd drop everything, rearranging her world for the brief attention he gave her. But this time, she saw it for what it was: a cycle that only led her back to the same empty place.

She didn't deserve to be a convenience. Not anymore.

Maya looked at the screen, and instead of feeling conflicted, she felt... free.

She picked up her phone, her fingers hovering over the screen. But instead of typing back, she simply put the phone down and walked away. She didn't owe him an explanation, just like he never gave her one for his absence.

The doorbell rang, and Maya quickly slipped on her shoes before heading out to meet Lani for dinner. As she stepped outside, the cool evening breeze brushed against her face, and she felt lighter. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't waiting for a message, a call, or a sign.

She was just here present, with herself and the people who truly cared about her.

The city lights shimmered in the distance as she made her way to the restaurant, and for once, her mind wasn't preoccupied with what *he* might be thinking or doing. Instead, she thought about the future the possibilities ahead of her, the dreams she had put on hold.

And tonight, she was choosing herself over the uncertainty of someone who had never really chosen her.

As Maya sat down at the table with Lani, the conversation quickly turned light and filled with laughter. She shared stories, laughed at old jokes, and for the first time in what felt like forever, she didn't feel the weight of expectation pressing down on her. She was just Maya herself, whole and enough.

Later that night, when she finally checked her phone, she saw his message still sitting there, unanswered. She smiled softly to herself, feeling no rush, no guilt, and no need to respond.

She deleted the message.

Because this time, Maya wasn't waiting for anyone else to make her feel important.

She already knew she was.

A/U : Hulaan niyo name ni him ehheeheh