The Pages of Me

CHAPTER 4

Maya woke up the next morning feeling lighter than she had in months. Wala na 'yung bigat sa dibdib na lagi niyang nararamdaman. For once, she wasn't preoccupied with thoughts of him or waiting for a message that never seemed to come. The day felt like hers no one else's.

As she made her coffee, naalala niya ang gabi kagabi kasama sina Lani at Rina. Dinner had been exactly what she needed simple, full of laughter, walang drama, at higit sa lahat, walang usapan tungkol sa kanya. It felt like a small step forward, pero alam ni Maya na ang pag-let go, hindi naman isang madaling proseso. It was a journey, one that took time.

After her coffee, she decided to head to a bookstore, something she hadn't done in a while. Parang naging habit niya kasi dati ang maghintay sa messages, sa mga signs na nakalimutan na niyang gawin ang mga bagay na talagang nagpapasaya sa kanya.

The cozy scent of books and coffee welcomed her as she entered the shop. The familiar warmth instantly made her feel at ease. Maya wandered through the aisles, her fingers lightly brushing against the spines of books, feeling a sense of calm she hadn't felt in a while.

Out of the corner of her eye, something caught her attention. A leather-bound notebook, simple pero parang may humila sa kanya para kunin ito. She picked it up and felt the smooth texture in her hands.

"Perfect," she whispered to herself.

She hadn't written in her journal regularly since... well, since he started consuming most of her thoughts. Pero ngayon, maybe this was a sign to start again. To write not about him, but about herself. She paid for the notebook and left the store with a small sense of accomplishment.

Later that afternoon, Maya found herself sitting in the park, her new notebook open on her lap. The blank pages stared back at her, but they didn't intimidate her this time. Instead, they felt like an opportunity, a fresh start. She took a deep breath and began to write.

"Dear Me,

I don't know where this journey is going, pero alam ko na isa lang ang sigurado tapos na akong maghintay. Hindi ko na kailangan ng permission from anyone else para maging masaya. This is my life, and I get to choose what makes it meaningful."

As the pen glided across the page, Maya felt a sense of peace wash over her. The words flowed naturally, honest and unfiltered. This was her space her truth, her thoughts. For so long, she had been waiting for someone to show her she was enough. But now, she was starting to realize, she was enough.

Hours passed before she looked up, the sun already dipping lower in the sky. She stretched and smiled to herself. It had been a good day one that felt like hers, filled with little moments that had nothing to do with him.

Her phone buzzed, pulling her attention. She pulled it out of her bag, half-expecting a message from Lani. And there it was.

Lani: "Movie night at my place? Rina's coming. Popcorn and pizza on me!"

Maya smiled, feeling her heart warm at the thought of another carefree night with her friends.

Maya: "Count me in!"

As she slipped her phone back into her bag, a strange sense of peace settled over her. There was no urge to check if he had messaged her, no feeling of anticipation hanging in the air. For the first time, hindi na siya nakatali sa mga what if  tungkol sa kanya.

When she got home, Maya took a long shower, letting the water wash away any remaining weight of the past. She stood under the warm stream, realizing something important: she wasn't waiting for anyone else to complete her. She was already whole.

After dressing in her comfiest clothes, she headed out to Lani's for movie night. The moment she walked in, the sound of laughter filled the room. Rina was sprawled on the couch, blanket draped over her legs, while Lani was busy in the kitchen prepping snacks.

"There she is!" Lani grinned as Maya stepped in. "Ready for a chill night?"

"More than ready," Maya said, settling onto the couch next to Rina.

As the movie started, the room filled with the smell of pizza and the sound of lighthearted conversation. Maya let herself relax completely, laughing at the ridiculousness of Lani's movie choices, sharing stories about the small victories in her day. The night wasn't heavy, wasn't about fixing anything just friends, food, and laughter.

Halfway through the movie, her phone buzzed again. This time, she didn't hesitate to check. It was another message from him.

Him:"Sorry I've been MIA. Let's talk soon? Miss you."

For a moment, the familiar pull tugged at her heart. But something had changed. Hindi na siya yung Maya na naghihintay sa bawat text, na nakatali sa bawat salita niya.

She stared at the screen, feeling the weight of his message. Pero instead of replying, she simply placed her phone back on the coffee table and leaned into the conversation with her friends.

She didn't need to rush a response, or even send one at all. She was surrounded by people who truly cared, who had always been there without her having to ask. That was enough for her tonight.

As the credits rolled, Lani turned to her with a curious look. "You okay, Maya? You've been really quiet."

Maya smiled, this time feeling the truth of her own words. "Yeah. I'm really okay."

And for the first time in a long time, she truly meant it.