Even If This Love Disappears From This World (jenlisa adaptation)

My Heart Will Draw Your Portrait

Rosé

Cherry trees are blooming here and there on the road from the station to the park. The sun was shining strongly this morning, but after noon, it weakened. The mild rays cast a pale light on the people and plants in the park. Cherry blossom season is here once again. For the first time in ages, I'm strolling along with nowhere to go in a hurry, gazing at the city scenery around me.

Not long ago, I was in high school. Hounded by university entrance exams, I thought my third year flew by faster than any other year in my life. But my first year as a working woman went even quicker. Amid these hectic days, high school feels like the distant past. Sometimes, I wonder if it was all a dream. Maybe none of it ever happened. Maybe I'm still in high school, passed out from exhaustion after studying. When I open my eyes, I'll see Jennie or Lisa smiling and be reassured by the sight of them being happy together, giving me peace of mind. Unfortunately, that's not reality. I'm twenty-four already.

I don't remember anything. But I'm alive. And one day, I'll remember it all. Just watch.

Three years have passed since Jennie said those words to me with such determination. She's in her fourth year of university now, and she's still trying to remember Lisa. Using her journal and my stories as a guide, she's gone to the places they visited, done the same things, and desperately tried to remember.

It didn't work like the Lady Grey tea. Things didn't go so easily or simply. Nevertheless, she kept looking inside herself, never giving up. Even in university, she kept searching for her own forgotten past. Little by little, she remembered Lisa.

Now that I’m working, I can’t see her very often, but we still try to see each other at least once every three months. This sunny Sunday is one of those times. We’ve arranged to meet at the park famous for its cherry blossoms, where we’ve been a few times before. It’s already crowded. She and I came here when she got into university, and during spring break before our third year of high school, we came here with Lisa.

“Rosie! Over here!”

As I walk through the park searching for her, I hear her bright voice calling me. There she is, sitting on a big picnic blanket in a spot with a great view of the flowers. She said she wanted to try choosing the spot herself at least once and didn’t mind holding down the fort as time would fly by if she was sketching the trees. Even as she tries to remember Lisa, she’s living her own life to the fullest. There are a few people sitting with her, probably friends from university.

“You look cheerful as always, Jen” I say.

“I’m a little creepy when I’m not cheerful,” she jokes.

I think of the day I told her Lisa had died. That, too, is far in the past.

She introduces me to her friends, and we all help ourselves to the picnic dishes spread on the blanket. Everyone brought something, and Jennie brought homemade chirashizushi. She used to be an awful cook, but she’s improved since then. It’s different from when she and I made it before, when she was trying to recall memories of Lisa. This time it’s piled with tasty toppings and looks beautiful.

At first, her university friends were reserved around me because I’m slightly older and already a working adult, but when I smile and talk to them, they warm up to me.

Little by little, I’m changing, too. All sorts of things are happening every day out of view. I think that’s what it means to live.

I glance over at Jennie. She’s chatting happily with a friend. I wonder if her current life is what Lisa wanted for her. To take ordinary things for granted, have good times and bad times, a peaceful life. To fall asleep at night and wake up in the morning. Is her life now what she always believed it would be? A constantly evolving life, where in a few decades she’ll be able to look back on the sad events of the past as one part of her story.