Frostbound Hearts - Bill Kaulitz

Unspoken

As I enter the house I slip off my shoes and drop my keys on the table, rattling as they fall. In the corner of my eye I see Tom sitting by the kitchen top counter. A visible smirk appearing across his face.

"Don't even try" I say staring at him gritting my teeth.

"Oh Billlllll" he mocks my voice and starts chuckling.

I storm straight into my room, ignoring both Lilo and the oblivious Lazarus as I head to my room. I seriously can't be bothered to put up with any of them today, even though I know Lazarus and Lilo both haven't done anything wrong.

I shove my bag on the floor and collapse on my bed, putting in my headphones and staring at the ceiling. I try to focus on my music but all I can think about is what went down in the day. Everything just keeps replaying in my mind over and over again. I can still hear Tom's obnoxious laughter over my music.

After a few minutes, I hear Lilo scratching at my door, it's unfair for me to just block him out after all. With a sigh, I swing my legs over the side of the bed, getting up and opening the door. He prances into my room and cuddles up to me licking my face. "Who's a good boy" I say rubbing behind his ears.

At least Lilo hasn't changed over all these years, the only constant in my chaotic life.

Suddenly I hear Tom's voice down the hall, "Aw can someone not handle their emotions by themselves"

"Does someone not know how to close their mouth" I groan. He laughs walking into his own room.

Just then, Lilo trots over to my door, tail wagging with enthusiasm, looking back at me as if he's begging to go on a walk.

"Fine let's go" I chuckle, getting up off the floor. I put his collar on tightly and hook the leash on. I announce to Lazarus who's on the couch doing some paperwork, "I'm going on a walk with Lilo"

As I step outside a cool breeze hits my face, causing me to zip my jacket up all the way. The night is thick with fog wrapping the world around in its silver blanket. The scent of damp earth and fallen leaves envelopes my nostrils, somehow very calming. Fog is one of my favourite weathers, I only have positive memories associated with it.

We stroll deeper and deeper into the woods, woodland surrounds my house for miles but I tend to have a good direction as I spent my childhood playing amongst these trees, they've watched me grow up, laugh, cry and fall over. However, today I was unusually unaware, the deeper we got the less I felt as I knew my surroundings, it just got quieter and quieter.

In the distance I hear a twig snap, at first I ignore it as there typically is a lot of animals roaming these woods, but the snapping becomes more consistent as if human footsteps coming closer.

I stop momentarily, listening to the sound. Lilo begins to growl, reinforcing my unease. I gaze around my surroundings the sound of footsteps echoing and getting closer.

Suddenly a cold hand slivers onto my shoulder me to spin around and kick whoever it was standing behind me right in the stomach. To my horror, it was Bill who was standing there.

A grunt of surprise followed by laughter. "Sorry for scaring you Lia" Bill chuckles, holding his stomach pretending to be in pain. That familiar smile breaking the fog like a beacon.

I feel my face flush up in embarrassment, my pulse hammering in my ears, "Bill what the hell was that for" I say slapping his arm, my heart still racing. Bill started greeting Lilo and cuddling up to him too, receiving Lilo's sloppy kisses all over his face.

"Would you believe me if I told you it's just because I want to see you" he said getting up from crouching Lilo and looking right into my soul with his ever so piercing eyes. I roll my eyes, pretending to be unaffected by his charm, how could he say something like that so casually.

He pinched my arm, "Seriously I meant it Lia!"

I roll my eyes at Bill's words, but my heart still betrays me, hammering against my ribs. Why does he always do this?  The casual charm, the way he acts like nothing has changed, as if he hasn't been distant for months. He makes it impossible to stay mad at him.

I huff, shoving my hands in my pockets, "You have a lot of audacity for someone who hasn't even bothered sending me a letter in months"

The atmosphere grew heavier with sorrow and remorse; I could see that my words had hit him deeply. He looked down at me with much softer eyes now, exhaling and running a hand through his hair, the white streaks catching in the moonlight, "There's so much I would love to tell you but I can't Cecilia, it will all be revealed in time, now come on, it's not safe out here"

I sigh, I know he cares for me but he has a weird way of showing it.

Silence falls between us, the distant rustling of trees the only sound besides Lilo's quiet huffs as he nudges Bill's hand for more attention. I could push him for answers, demand to know why he's been gone, why he won't let me in. But something about the way he looks at me stops me.

As we're walking the winding path back to my house, I try to start conversation with Bill, "Do you ever wonder if the woods have changed?" I ask, my voice quiet.

Bill glances at me. "They haven't," he says. "You have."

I scoff, shoving his arm lightly. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Not bad," he says, his tone unreadable. "Just different."

Before I can question what he means, another sound cuts through the night - a distant teasing giggle. It was like a predator toying with its prey. Bill's expression immediately changes to one much more serious. He curses under his breath before grasping my hand and beginning to run. His hair swaying behind him in the moonlight, his grasp on my hand soft and warm but also tight and protective. 

Not much was visible ahead of me, the fog was engulfing us, but somehow I knew we were close to home, Lilo the warrier he is managing to keep up with us.

Suddenly, we found ourselves at our doorstep. Without even thinking about it, Bill reached into my pocket and grabbed my keys, he knew the exact pocket I kept them in, even though I never told him.

With precision, he opened the door and gently pushed me and Lilo inside. "Don't let anyone that you don't know inside", he said turning around about to walk off, "but one more thing" He gave me a delicate kiss on my forehead, and just like that he vanished.

Closing the door, I was left with lingering feelings of confusion, an aurora of blush filling my cheeks. I leaned against the door, her breath uneven as her fingers traced the spot where Bill's lips had met my forehead. The warmth of the moment lingered, but so did the fear curling in my chest. That giggle—low and taunting—still echoed in her ears, making the fine hairs on my arms rise. I decide to try shake it off and go into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. 

To my delight Tom was there, god does he always have to be in my way. I walk inside the kitchen ignoring him, standing beside the sink, getting a glass from the cupboard.

He walks behind me, momentarily stopping and picking up a handful of my hair. "Were you with him again, you smell like a filthy blood sucker"

I spin around, shoving him away from you, "What is up your ass lately"

Tom scoffs, running a hand through his long blonde dreads. His eyes—usually indifferent or clouded with whatever trouble he'd been getting into—were sharp now, burning with something I couldn't quite place. Anger? Disgust? Jealousy?

" No matter how many sweet words he feeds you, no matter how many times he holds you in his arms, no matter how many kisses he gives you, he is nothing more than a monster" He mutters, his voice low but laced with venom.

I clench my jaw, gripping the glass in my hand tighter. "You don't know anything about him, you have hated him since the day you met him."

Tom lets out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. "Don't I?" He steps closer, and for a moment, his expression softens, like he's about to say something real, something important. But then his walls are up again, and he rolls his eyes. "Whatever. It's your funeral."

I want to argue, to demand what the hell he means, but before I can get another word out, he storms out of the kitchen, leaving behind only the faint scent of cigarette smoke and frustration.

I don't care, whatever that was it can wait until the morning, I don't want to deal with that bitch right now, let alone anything right now.