Allison's Desire

Chapter Two

Her voice got softer as she spoke the last parts, but I heard them as loud as day.

They rang in my head over and over again unable to stop repeating itself.

She is useless.

Stupid

She isn't worthy of love.

Bastard child.

I wish I had the option of aborting such a mistake....

The thing was, I could feel the hurt with each word she spoke. I knew she meant every single thing.

I walked away from the door. And ran up to my room. There was no need to take much from here. It's not like I had many things to pack in the first place. With tears flowing down my eyes, I walked back down and proceeded to leave quietly. Or at least that was what I planned would have happened.

My mum came out of her room and came face to face with me. She looked calm, more composed. You wouldn't have known that there had been a screaming contest few moments ago.

"You're still here, you should go if you want to get a decent job on time" she said with a cracked voice.

I looked at her and all the questions I've always wanted to ask stood at the tip of my lips.

"why" I asked looking at her. I wanted to hate her for the way she treated me. I wanted to shout. I wanted to feel disgust for the way she treated me through the years but instead, all I wanted was for her to love me, treat me as one of her own and care about me even though it was a little.

"Why what? You are old enough to live on your own" she scoffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why do you hate me so much. I thought that was just how you were. You never smiled. You never laughed. Then Grace came along. Do you know how it felt? Do you know it made me feel begging you for attention just for you to give it to her so effortlessly?" my voice broke a little, but I was trying my possible best to keep the tears in. There was no way I was going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. She had seen that too many times.

"What was so special about her. What was so different that made her love her more"?

"She is my daughter" was all she said looking a little shaken. Dad had not come out yet, so my bet was he had already left the house. We were alone.

"So am I!!!" I screamed, unable to keep it in anymore. "You had me first. You should have loved me first. You never even looked my way twice any time I scrapped my knee! You never sang me good night songs!! You beat me every chance you got and yet you never raised your voice at her!!!" the tears were flowing freely at this point, and I was trying to not be a sobbing mess.

"So, what was so special!" I moved towards her, and she flinched.

It stung. Seeing your mother treat you like that was, for lack of better words humbling.

"don't come any closer to me" she said entering panic mode.

"Why?" I tried to move closer to her, but her attack got worse. "It's no use, you'll never care." I said looking at her and walking out of the house.

**

I walked around the city looking for any job I could do. For some reason, they looked at me as not fit for the job by 4:00pm, I was tired and just ready to lay down in the gutters.

That was my level of frustration at this point.

I walked into a cafe, given that it was mid-day, it was shop was not that busy.