Blind Curves

Three

I never thought that it would mean so much, but it did. For a whole week, I was thinking about him. At first, it was just a fleeting thought, a casual memory that would pop up when I least expected it. But then it turned into something more. I found myself replaying our conversations, analyzing every word we exchanged and every detail of his face. I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing at any given moment, how he’s feeling and if he’s thinking about me too.

It's crazy; it felt harmless to fantasize about him but I knew I was feeding my delusions instead of moving on. I know I'll never see him again. I guess I got a bit too wrapped up in the idea of him, so I’m trying to find something to distract myself, and a perfect opportunity just came up.

Killian's grandma wanted her barn painted, and guess who got called to do just that? Yep, us! Nothing like the atmosphere of that Granny's place.

We had hit the road bright and early at 6:30, the sun just beginning to rise, casting a golden hue over everything. The views were breathtaking, I have always loved countryside. Especially this route, it means so much to all of us because this is a route we are familiar with from such a young age. It is a landmark for our friendship.

We arrived at her place around 7:15, and Granny Maria greeted us with a big kiss, her cheeks rosy and her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Sweeties, you can't guess how happy I am!” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around each of us.

Even though Granny is Killian's grandmother, she has always considered us like her own grandchildren. She cares about us as if we are her own blood.

We gathered around the farmhouse to check out the barn, which was sitting at the corner of a lush green field. Its wood was all weathered and faded.

“Alright, kids, have fun and do a great job! I’ll be inside; just call me if you need anything,” Granny said, leaving us no choice but to dive right in.

By the time we were finished with the work, it was evening. We had eaten grandma's blueberry pies, which were delicious by the way, and then decided to hit the nearby lake.

We took off our clothes and jumped straight into the water the moment we reached there. Mia stayed out of the water as she didn't want to wet her clothes.

After a bit more swimming and diving, Mia called me over, saying she needed to chat about something.

I felt a bit anxious as I made my way to the tree where she was lying down, hoping we weren’t about to discuss what I feared we might.

I stood over her with a nervous smile. "Is everything fine, Mia?"

"Yeah, yeah, sit down," she motioned to the grass. I plopped down, waiting for her to speak. She looked a bit uneasy, which all made my anxiety increase.

"So..." she finally began. "I’m moving out."

What?

"Moving out? What do you mean?"

"You know, I can’t keep dealing with my dad forever. I got some cash from my aunt, and she has this cheap place ready for me."

Ok, now I was getting really curious. I knew her dad was a douchebag, and it was probably for the best if she left. But all of this felt so sudden.

"Why didn’t you tell me about this, Mi?" I asked gently.

"It all happened so fast. I just—" she couldn't complete her words.

"Look Mi, I’m happy for you, even though this is all a bit sudden."

"It’s not that sudden, Wy. You know I've been thinking about it for some time."

"Yeah, you’re right."

I waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. Maybe the conversation has ended, so I decided to stare at the sunset.

"You know, I’ve been thinking, Wy," she said, making me turn my head. She was fidgeting with her fingers while avoiding my gaze.

"What is it, Mi?"

"Well, you’re 18 and still living with your parents..."

She had a point. I was still at home, but that was because I didn’t need to move out, and college was nearby. What was she getting at?

"Would you want to move in with me?" she asked suddenly, her eyes full of hope. I was shocked, I won't lie. This was unexpected.

Move in? With her?

Does she even realize  what she's suggesting?

"Forget it, Wy. Just forget I asked," she broke the silence. I could see the disappointment spread over her face, and it made me guilty.

"No, wait," I said quickly, trying to catch her attention again. "I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was dismissing it. It’s just… a lot to think about."

She sat up, brushing a few strands of hair behind her ear, her expression shifting from hurt to curiosity. "What do you mean? Have you never thought about it before?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I guess I have, but nothing serious. I mean, moving in with someone is a big step. What if it changes everything?"

It was the truth, I have thought about moving out of this hellhole of a place before.

"But isn’t that the point, Wy? I mean, there's this whole life ahead of us that we need to live, I thought that everything will be manageable if we are together," she held my hands in hers. "Don't you want us to be together? This could be our first step."

I could see the passion in her eyes. The way she believed in this idea. But it only scared me, it  proved my fear, she'll get attached to me. "I just don’t want to mess things up between us, you know? What if we don’t get along? What if it ruins our relationship? I don't want that."

She bit her lip, contemplating my words. "I get that. But what if it makes us closer? We already spend so much time together. Living together could be... amazing."

What have I done?

"Mia, you need to understand that this relationship thing is still very foreign to me. I am not ready for such a big change. What if I’m not ready for that kind of commitment? What if I can’t handle it?"

"I appreciate you thinking of me, Mia. I really do," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "But I need some time to think about it."

I hated the way her expressions saddened. I was a terrible person.

After our talk, we all decided to head back home, she had not spoken to me that much after our conversation. All night, I felt guilty. I am cruel for doing this to Mia. All of this...for what? So I could maintain my 'straight' image? I do like her a lot. But how can I tell her that I don't think of her as anything more than just a friend? It's too late for that. I've already fucked up. I glanced out to the dark silhouettes of the mountains, and a bitter thought came to my mind: all of my lies will be revealed soon. Sooner than I would have liked.