Drew-Ski

FEELINGS

Everything revolves around Skip, even our family vacations. Skip has practice, Skip has scouts coming, Skip has camp, Skip is fucking skipping. It didn't matter. Our parents did everything together, so if Skip and his family couldn't make it to Hera Island, neither could we.

Does it bother me? Sometimes, like I have stuff too. But, per my parents, Skip has to be back on campus in two more weeks, so The Marita Del Mar Equestrian Event could wait.

"You know how important our family time is, Drew. So we all must be amenable before Skip's commitments begin."

My mother's palm held her clown - sized sun hat in place to ward off random gusts of ocean breeze. Our one day prior arrival to the Lawrences' annual beach house visit couldn't even get me a break.

"You and Dad act as though he's your kid."

"He might as well be. And Kevin and Tracey feel the same about you."

"If that were true, I would be in Marita Del Mar right now, wouldn't I?"

Raising her shaded eyes towards the sky, she turned her face towards me, then asked.

"Do you have veiled emotions to explore young lady?"

A psychiatrist for a mother is its own nightmare.

"No, Mom. I'm very openly expressing my disappointment that I'm not allowed to be at the one event I have prepared for all year."

"That's only the first. Besides, the Autumn Classic will be here before you know it. You now have time to work on your canter and dressage. I would say that's a benefit wouldn't you?"

"Sure."

I concluded the pointless conversation, then kissed my mother on the cheek as I dismissed myself. Opting to roller blade into town, I crank up my music, then hit the pavement. Skip's three calls interrupted my peace before I made it to Dogfish, and I unapologetically declined his attempts as many times. I had a whole week of him on the way, one Skipless day wasn't too much to ask.

"Hey Mary."

Greeting my favorite waitress, I frowned when I noticed plates at the booth Skip and I Christopher Columbus every summer.

"Go ahead," she urged. "I'll be over in a sec to straighten it out."

I sat down, placing my skates next to me. I didn't need a menu, fish n' chips was my usual so I waited for Mary to deliver it.

"When are you going to try something new?"

My heart sank. Looking up, I frowned.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Skip smiled before making himself comfortable at 'our' booth.

"I called last night and today to let you know I would be driving down this morning. You never answered."

"So, showing up to the one place you knew I would be was the best option for someone who clearly wanted to be alone."

He simply smiled.

"Here's your fish and chips."

Mary set down my plate followed by Skip's po boy. She winked at us as she declared, "You two get cuter every year."

I breathed deeply while smiling.

"Anything else?" She asked.

"Not a thing." I replied, wishing I could say a to go box, but who am I to be rude.

Skip began eating as though he wasn't invading my personal time. It annoyed me. Lately, everything about him has irked me. Minus the whole Treyvon thing, life was different between him and me. He was a collegiate and sports hero, and I would be attending my sophomore year of college in the fall.

In a million years would I ever have believed his mere presence would irritate me, but as he smacks his lips while sitting on the opposite side of this table, I'm convinced I'm no longer under his spell. Outside of his orbit, I can see freedom, freedom from my parents expectations, freedom from association with a brewing celebrity, but most of all freedom from his refuge under the guise of his big brother umbrella.

In the past, nothing happened to or for me unless Skip approved. No guys would even approach me until he left. Treyvon and I attend the same local college. And it was the semester before summer break when he told me Skip had threatened every group of guys within a twenty five mile radius. The audacity. So, yes, I gave my all to Treyvon the second I had the chance. I wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted, touched like a real woman and social like an actual adult instead of some kid in a bubble.

I'm mad as hell it didn't work out in my favor, but at least I had the chance to experience it. I will never let Skip know I wished I would've listened and didn't go on a drinking binge with the town idiots before getting a tattoo between my legs. Sex with Treyvon wasn't even that good. Granted I didn't know what to expect, but for my first time I believed my toes should've curled or something. Nevertheless, he transitioned me from being a virgin, so at the time, the stupid ass tattoo seemed like a good idea.

"You're not going to eat?"

I blinked twice, taking a moment to place myself back in the present.

"No, I'm not hungry."

I reached over to pick up my skates.

"Where are you going?"

I shrugged.

"Okay, at least let me give you a ride."

"I don't need your help, Skip. I know my way around this town just fine without you."

"How long are you going to hold a grudge, Drew."

Smirking, I answered. "I don't hold grudges."

"Then why have you been ghosting me since—"

He pointed to my thigh.

Because I'm angry at myself, because I'm tired of living in your universe, but nothing good has come from being outside of it, because I'm confused as hell about my bitter feelings towards you.

"Drew."

I finally answered. "Things are different, Skip. We've grown up, apparently apart, and I'm learning how to be okay with it. Maybe you should too."

Mary looked as though she wanted to cry as I breezed out the door. Nearly everyone wants Drew and Skip to be a thing. But no one has asked me how I feel. What would I do if that never happens. So, the best thing for me to do right until I figure it out is to feel nothing at all.