the muse & the musician (mileven)

look at me!

El Hopper had never considered herself a fangirl. If you had pointed out the twilight posters that had covered her bedroom walls as a preteen or the fact that she could quote every line from Sabrina Carpenter's discography (down to the obscure unreleased music that never got more than 200 views on youtube), she would have brushed it off. She would have said you were unfairly criticising women for having interests and she would have pointed out that her brother has never been called a fanboy for being obsessed with basketball. She would say finding yourself attracted to someone in the public eye is totally normal. And to this day she still doesn't think any differently.

Besides, she's 20 now. She's an adult, a woman. So when her friend Max invited her to go see the 'Hellfire' band live El said yes.

She got ready fairly quickly, not as worried about what she looked like as she would be 4 hours later.

Taking a good look at herself in the elevator mirror she felt satisfied with the outcome. Her long brown hair had been straightened and strands fell in front of her face framing her jaw. As the lift strained to a halt she stepped into the lobby of her apartment building to see her best friend lighting a cigarette.

'I thought you were quitting'

'Couldn't hack it, those patches are useless' Max replied breathing in a lung full of smoke and exhaling it into El's face.

They made their way to the venue, Max careful not to mention she had paid someone 300$ to save them a spot at the barricade.

'So what happened to you going to this thing with your mom?' El asked as they turned into the next street.

'I don't know, she changed her mind I guess and didn't want to come with me anymore' Max shrugged, attempting to be nonchalant about it.

'Well, I'm glad you invited me I'm really looking forward to it'

El had never really been the biggest fan of 'Hellfire' but she knew their songs well enough through Max's incessant badgering and had even occasionally found herself humming a song or two on her way to work.

Hellfire had really come into the spotlight 3 years ago with their debut album 'Friends don't lie'. After an explosive release week, they had been pushed by their management into a worldwide tour. This tour had subsequently led to Mike Wheeler and his fellow band mates reaching an uncomfortable level of fame in such a short time span that they had often crumbled under the pressure. El wondered, as they we're approaching the venue, whether Mike Wheeler would have been afforded as many new chances for redemption if he hadn't been an attractive white man and she decided that he probably would not. This annoyed her but she decided not to preemptively ruin what might be a very good concert experience by acknowledging how the patriarchy was once again screwing her gender.

Once they reached the queue and Max started walking to the front of it, it dawned on El that her friend was once again sacrificing her savings to avoid having to exert any amount of patience. It must be said that El was very aware of Max's terrible spending habits. She had witnessed Max paying someone all her wages from her highschool summer job for someone to write her term papers, she had seen the lack of food in Max's flat that had been a result of her wasting her money for the sake of laziness. So to witness this, frankly destructive, behaviour once again concerned and frustrated El.

She reminded herself that Max was not her responsibility, that she was a grown woman with a job and a degree and that in fact she was 3 years older than El. And so, despite the fact that this revelation had concerned her she said nothing and they joined the queue, from the front.

Behind them a group of girls was grumbling amongst themselves about etiquette and Max glared them into silence.

It wasn't too long after their arrival that the doors were opened and they made themselves to the front of the standing area. Max gripped the barrier tightly and turned to her friend.