Living a life of waiting to be yourself is doing everything you can to remind yourself that one day everyone will see you for who you are, and that one day you will be able to see yourself.
Trying to change everything about this stranger infront of you to find that one person who is yourself.
How can it be that someone's body is one thing, and yet their mind, soul and entire being is something entirely different. you can glance at someone and have a million different thoughts of who they are, what they do, and none of those things are true.
You can ask them yourself, but that leaves the uncertainty of wether you would believe them. would you double check the person standing in-front of you and think that they are lying because their appearance does not match your idea of those words?
A million tears that someone spent on the uncertainty of what others think, and more importantly, what they think of their self. the amount of years waiting to look in a mirror and see yourself, knowing others did not have to wait for that.
They did not over-analyse every single conversation, down to every word, to figure out whether they see you as who you are, or just learnt to say the right things.
Is it an uncertainty that will last for the entirety of their life or is it temporary? "everything is temporary" is the pure feeling of being lost, that would remind them of the rain trickling down from the clouds above, inside of them, that has yet to dissipate, temporary, or will they forever have a small place in their heart and mind alike, which will always harbour it?
Or maybe that rain is the kind that they go outside to dance in, and accept it with open arms, letting it wipe away their thoughts as all that is left to think about is the coldness in the air and the water dripping down on you.
The small moments of relief and unmissable joy when they believe they know, truly know, that someone is seeing them for who they are.
And the heart-wrenching feeling that comes afterwards when you have not yet felt that feeling with those who you love.
The feeling as if your heart has been cut with a knife when after all this time, your own family does not see you.
They stop correcting you, they bite back the tears that threaten to fall, and they save that sadness for when they are alone, for when there is no one to beg them for forgiveness and rush out excuses that do not fix the thoughts that cloud your mind. they pretend to not have noticed what you said, even though they cant stop thinking about it.
