Come back to me [SOPE]

Chapter 7

J-Hope woke up with his head pounding, eyes heavy, and his tongue feeling numb and dry. Ugh, this is the worst part of drinking. Hangovers... he thought, rubbing his temples. And lightweight me can never handle them.

He slowly sat up, groaning as he took in his surroundings. The room was unfamiliar—definitely not his. The bed was large and uncomfortable, and the mattress felt stiff, like one of those orthopedic ones he would never buy. His eyes scanned the space, landing on a shabby, dull vase in the corner. What is that ugly thing even doing here?

His foggy mind began piecing together the events of last night. Memories of his reckless actions started flooding back, and his heart sank. Oh no... The hangover was bad, but the realization of what he had done was much worse.

What have I done?

J-Hope dragged himself to the mirror, wincing as he saw his reflection. He was practically half-naked, wearing only his boxer shorts and a disheveled tank top. Oh no... Where are my clothes? Or... did I show up like this? The dread hit him harder than the hangover. He tried to fix his appearance as much as possible, running his hands through his messy hair and straightening his tank top, but the knots of guilt in his stomach only tightened.

He cautiously stepped into the living room. The house was eerily quiet, and there was no sign of Suga anywhere. It felt strange, uncomfortable—he was in a space that wasn't his own, after doing something he deeply regretted. What do I do? Should I call Hyung?

The place wasn't large—just a small living room and the bedroom he had woken up in. Still, Suga was nowhere to be found. His eyes landed on the dining table, where a neatly folded stack of clothes sat. A note was propped against it.

"I have arranged clothes for you. Use them well. Let's pretend that last night never happened."

J-Hope's heart sank. The words hit like a knife to his chest, twisting painfully. Pretend it never happened? His mind raced, guilt flooding his senses as the weight of last night fully settled on him. He could barely breathe under the heaviness of his actions.

The events of the previous night started flashing through J-Hope's mind, overwhelming him with emotion. He remembered standing in front of Suga, trying to keep his voice calm despite the storm inside him.

"Hyung... why did you divorce me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Suga sat there, silent, clearly needing more time to process everything. The weight of what had happened was still too fresh for him to respond. But J-Hope couldn't hold back anymore.

"Hyung... What was my fault?" J-Hope pressed on, his desperation growing with every second of silence. "I'm dying here without you. At least tell me you got bored of me... I need closure."

Suga finally let out a deep, heavy sigh, as though carrying the weight of years on his shoulders. "It wasn't you, Hoba. It was me."

J-Hope stood frozen, waiting for more, not understanding.

"I was eating your light," Suga continued, his voice low and filled with regret. "When I realized that, I decided to quit... to let you go."

The words hit J-Hope like a punch to the gut. Suga had left not because he didn't love him, but because he thought he was the problem.

"Make me understand, Hyung," J-Hope pleaded, his voice trembling with frustration.

Suga's expression softened slightly, but the pain in his eyes remained. "I saw you start to lose your sunshine, your spark, slowly after we got married," he began, speaking quietly but with a rawness that cut deep. "Especially around me. You came home late almost every night, thinner, more lifeless... and people noticed. They talked about it. Some even told me that being with someone like me, with my introverted personality, was taking a toll on you."

J-Hope scoffed bitterly, shaking his head. He wasn't convinced, but before he could respond, Suga pressed on.

"Argue with me if you want, but I was in a deep depression back then," Suga continued, now with a hint of defensiveness in his voice. His words hung heavily in the air. J-Hope sat there, still unimpressed, waiting for something more.

Suga's calm demeanor faltered, and a flicker of anger seeped into his voice. "Don't pretend you didn't want someone else back then."

"What's that supposed to mean?" J-Hope asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"You spent all those nights with that tall idiot TaeTae while I was suffering through my internship, alone," Suga shot back, his voice rising.

J-Hope's eyes widened in disbelief. "What's this now? TaeTae... Wow, Hyung, I'm listening now," he said sarcastically. "For god's sake, we were in the same research team under the same professor. Are you seriously telling me that pulling extra nights for extra credits in my graduation was the reason for our divorce?"

"It wasn't just that you were out," Suga interrupted, his voice sharper now. "You could still grin from ear to ear when you were around him, but you were so down, so empty, when you were with me. I've seen you, J-Hope, so many times, sitting in that professor's office, smiling and laughing with that idiot in the name of research."

Suga's eyes hardened, and he lowered his voice. "How many times did I come to your university with a packed dinner for you, waiting to eat together, only to find you there with him? I remember, J-Hope."

J-Hope snapped, his voice now trembling with frustration. "Hyung, do you hear yourself? All I could talk to Tae about was you! He even called me a lovesick puppy because I couldn't shut up about you. And you expected me to be all sunshine around you when all I saw was my Hyung's depressed, gloomy face? How was I supposed to feel happy when I didn't even know what was happening to you?"

Suga remained silent, his eyes downcast.

J-Hope took a shaky breath and continued, his emotions spilling over. "I was really worried, Hyung. You stopped being yourself around me. You didn't talk, didn't communicate anything. I tried to figure it out, but you gave me nothing. And then people around you started whispering things to me... telling me that I didn't deserve you, that someone as smart as you needed a bigshot, not someone as average as me. And you know what? They weren't wrong."

His voice broke as he finished, a bitter laugh escaping him. "Look at you now, Hyung. You still shine brightly, like you always did, and here I am... just surviving in my career, barely holding on."

Suga looked away, the weight of J-Hope's words sinking in. But he still couldn't meet his eyes, couldn't give him the answers he needed.

"We're still not good for each other, J-Hope. Let's just try to live well on our own," Suga whispered, his voice barely steady.

J-Hope, sitting in his underwear in the middle of the night, pleaded, "Look at me, hyung. I'm here, practically begging for another chance. What kind of good life would I have without you?"

Suga stayed silent.

"An empty shell would be better than what I am when you're not in my life, hyung."

That was all they said to each other. How J-Hope ended up sleeping in Suga's bedroom was still a mystery—one only Suga could answer. When morning came, J-Hope quietly dressed in the clothes Suga had left for him on the table and left the house without another word. His trial was in two days, and he knew he couldn't afford to lose it. Still, the events of the previous night weighed heavily on his mind. The only thing he knew for certain was that his hyung still loved him. But he had no idea how to make things right. What could he say or do to convince Suga to give him another chance?

J-Hope buried himself in his work, trying to focus on the case, but Suga's words haunted him.

On the other hand, Suga was caught in a storm of emotions. "He didn't love anyone else back then? TaeTae wasn't his side fling? Did I overreact? Was I immature, pushing him away when all he wanted was to be with me?"

Both of them were left with doubts and regrets, struggling to come to terms with the truth, yet neither had the courage to take the next step. The love they had for each other was still there, but the way forward seemed more uncertain than ever.