Capturing the Moment

Chapter 9

Ryan

"We had a falling out a few years ago," My brother waves his hand all nonchalant. "its water under the bridge now, no big deal. It was nothing."

Part of me thinks this must be an act, that he's putting on a show for Sidney to save face. At least, I hope that's what it is. But his words still cut deep.

"Nothing?" I manage. "What do you mean, it was nothing?"

There's no way he's serious. My brother can't really believe that, can he? That's what happened between us was nothing? I can't tell. 

That's the problem, and it bothers me way more than that night five years ago. The fact that I have no idea if my brother means what he's saying; if he actually feels sorry about what happened or not. 

Maybe to him, it really was nothing. Just one more thing to shrug off and walk away from. Another Santa Barbara. 

I almost forgot Sid is there, that she's sitting next to me. Then she reaches for my hand on the table. That's how shaken up I must look. 

I see her do it - I watch her rest her hand on top of mine - but the softness of her touch startles me anyway.

Sidney Weston is trying to console me. She feels sorry for me, pities me, but I don't mind at first. 

Her palm is warm against my skin and it feels way nicer than it should.  Even upset, I can't help the way her touch hums through me. When I glance up, her deep brown eyes are searching mine, and nobody's looked at me that closely in a long time.

That same tight, rubber band feeling pulls in my stomach, but it doesn't matter if I like it or not. She's only touching me because she feels sorry for me.  Sidney is only here because of Conner.

I glance away. I can't help it. Then I pull my hand out from under hers.

"It was a long time ago," my brother says from the other end of the table, his smile tight, almost desperate. "Years, even."

"And that makes it okay?"

He doesn't want to talk about this - that's got to be what's going on. He wants to sweep this conversation under the rug because Sidney is here, but I can't let that happen.  Not again, not anymore. I need to know if he believes what he's saying.  I need to know how much - or little - he cares about what he did. 

Conner hesitates. For a moment, I think I've reached him. I think we're on the same page, but then he says the one thing he shouldn't. Those same familiar words he always thinks are going to help, except they only make it worse. 

"You guys had broken up."

"Had we?"

He knows that isn't true - I know that isn't true - no matter what he was willing to believe back then. My legs feel shaky, but I stand up anyway. I need to get away from that table. Need to escape this disaster of a dinner party, even if I did get to sit next to Sidney Weston.

The feel of her hand lingers on my skin, but it doesn't matter. I can't get away from my brother fast enough. Can't stay here another second.

"You were at our rehearsal dinner," I tell him. "Did we look broken up?"

"She said you'd broken up."

I move past him to make my escape, and I can't even look at him. Though that doesn't mean I'm done. 

"Would that make it okay, Conner? If we'd broken up? I'd been with her since high school AND to make matters worse, we were engaged! So, you're saying exes aren't off limits? Is that how it works?"