The Red Robin

Chapter 7

Jamie:

I watch from the tree line as Felix comes into the clearing, a look that I've never seen before flashing across his face before he hides it again. I've decided to call his blank expression 'The Shadow', the thing that he hides behind if he doesn't want to tell me something. He walks toward the fire, cautiously as if he can tell that I'm here. The entrance behind him starts closing, so I move away from the bushes in case he passes out, or goes into a state of shock. Sure enough, as soon as that thought leaves my head, he turns round, sees the entrance closing up and promptly faints. I catch him and lay him down gently by the fire, so that he doesn't freeze. Then, all I can do is wait.

Felix is awake when I next look at him, and I swear I've never been so glad to see those gold-flecked sapphire eyes looking up at me. I give him the biggest hug, and I can feel him sink into it, his head against my shoulder. He pulls away to look at me, and I notice for the first time that his eyes are darker than usual, like he's been crying or screaming. Or both. I scoot backwards to give him more room, but before I get very far, Felix pulls me forwards again so that our knees are touching. He whispers, "I never want to lose you again."

I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that, so I say, "Tell me everything that has happened since I left." Felix's face crumples, and his nerves show in his eyes. I try to make it easier by taking his hands, but I think I manage to make it worse instead. He takes a deep breath, and starts speaking, "Firstly, it was absolute chaos. No one wanted to go and look for you, in case they got lost as well. We didn't know what to do, we didn't want to announce you dead because you very obviously weren't, but I was outvoted on the whole rescue mission thing. Secondly, everyone began blaming me. It was all 'oh, you're responsible for what happened to Skylark' and 'you lost us Skylark, you lost us Jamie, who are you going to lose next, huh?'. That last one is a direct quote from Katya. I got to see their true nature. I strongly suggest that when you get back, you don't accept sympathy from anyone except Lexi or Skylark. If Katya or Aimee, Oscar or Adam says anything to you about how much they missed you, it's all fake. I must be honest, I think Katya put Aimee up to it. Aimee was talking to me fine yesterday evening about you, and then Katya came in and asked to speak to her. Privately."

"Hold up, hold up," I say, interrupting Felix mid-flow, "yesterday evening?! Felix, how long have I been gone for, exactly?"

His eyes are on the floor when he mumbles, "Five days."

I leap up from where I was sitting, and stare at him. "Five days!!! It took you, of all people, five days to come and find me? I thought you cared about me, Felix. I thought this whole mission rested on my shoulders. I thought you, at least, regardless of what other people think, would try and come earlier than five days??! Obviously, I thought wrong." I walk back to where Felix is sitting, and flop down in front of him. "So? Is that all you have to tell me?" I snap, quite aware of how my reaction is making him feel.

"No," he says quietly, "that's not it. There's still one more thing. You're right Jamie, you did think wrong. However, not entirely wrong. I do care about you. I care about you almost too much. All I've thought about these past five days is how much I needed to tell you. How much I wanted to tell you. Then you were gone, and I thought I'd never see you again. You have no idea what that did to me. With you gone, and Skylark still quite unable to do anything, I had no one to confide in. You could call it self-pity, if you like. I don't see it that way. However you want to see me, in whatever light you see me now, I couldn't care less. Just remember what I said. I do care about you, Jamie. I just care too much. Now, if you've finished getting angry with me, I'm tired and I'd like to sleep." He turns over, and promptly falls asleep.