Between Love and Loss: The Daughter I Made

Chapter 6: A Goodbye Gift

The days blurred together in a haze of sorrow and silence. Time seemed meaningless without him—an endless loop of empty hours that stretched into the night. Kailiax couldn’t remember the last time she had slept properly, nor could she recall the last time she had eaten more than a few bites of food. Her body felt like a hollow shell, drained of energy, of purpose. She had lost the one person who made her feel alive, and now she was certain that her body was shutting down along with her heart.

She isolated herself, unable to bear the sight of the outside world continuing as if nothing had changed. The people who had once been part of her life slowly drifted away, unable to reach her through the thick fog of her grief. She didn’t respond to calls or messages, didn’t open the door when they knocked. It felt like everything had stopped, and yet, somehow, the pain kept growing, gnawing at her from the inside out.

But it wasn’t just the absence of him that haunted her—it was the memories, the echoes of his presence that refused to leave. She could still hear his voice sometimes, soft and teasing, calling her name from the other room as if he was just out of sight. Late at night, she swore she could feel him lying next to her, his warmth pressed against her back, his hand resting on her shoulder just like it always had. But when she reached for him, the bed was cold and empty.

She dreamed of him constantly. In her dreams, he was there, smiling, laughing with her as if nothing had changed. They would talk like they used to, about nothing and everything, and for those brief moments in sleep, it felt real—it felt like he had never left. But when she woke, the crushing reality would return, and the weight of his absence would settle back into her chest, heavier than before.

Kailiax convinced herself she was dying from a broken heart. And in many ways, she believed she already was.

The day of the funeral was overcast, as if the sky itself mourned with her. The air was thick with the scent of fresh rain, and the clouds hung low, casting a gray shadow over everything. The cemetery was quiet, except for the soft rustle of leaves in the wind and the occasional murmur of those who had gathered to say their goodbyes.

Kailiax stood alone, her body trembling as she stared down at the coffin, her hands clutching the funeral program so tightly it crumpled in her grasp. She could barely see through the tears that filled her eyes, her vision blurring as the reality of it all washed over her. He was gone. And this—this was the finality of it. The final goodbye.

People offered their condolences, spoke kind words, but Kailiax couldn’t hear them. Their voices were muffled, drowned out by the sound of her own heart breaking. She was aware of them, the people, the whispers, but all she could focus on was the coffin—the last physical reminder of the man she had loved more than anything in the world.

As the service continued, Kailiax felt a strange sensation wash over her. The air around her seemed to shift, and for a moment, she swore she saw him—standing just a few feet away, watching her with the same warm smile he had always worn. He looked so real, so present, that for a brief, heartbreaking moment, she forgot that he was gone.

“Kailiax,” she heard him say, his voice gentle and soothing, just as it had always been.

Her breath caught in her throat, her tears falling harder now. She turned, her heart pounding, but when she looked again, he wasn’t there.

It was just an illusion. A trick of her grief.

But it felt so real. It felt like he was still with her.

As the pallbearers lowered the coffin into the ground, the finality of it hit her like a tidal wave. She wanted to scream, to run, to stop it from happening, but her feet were rooted to the spot. The weight of her loss pinned her down, and all she could do was stand there, helpless, as the love of her life was buried beneath the earth.


In the days that followed, the physical pain started slowly—just an ache in her chest, a heaviness that never seemed to go away. But soon, the pain intensified. Her body felt as though it was failing her, no longer able to carry the weight of her grief. She was constantly fatigued, her limbs heavy and weak. Nausea hit her in waves, making it nearly impossible to eat, and the pressure in her chest grew sharper with each passing day.

Kailiax couldn’t breathe. Every time she thought of him, the air seemed to leave her lungs, as though his absence had taken away her ability to function. And now, it wasn’t just emotional pain—it was physical. It was real. Her heart, she was certain, was giving out, and she feared it wouldn’t be long before it simply stopped beating altogether.

One morning, the chest pain became unbearable. She woke up gasping for air, her vision swimming as the room tilted around her. Her heart pounded violently in her chest, each beat a painful reminder of her loss. She clutched her chest, tears streaming down her face, certain that this was the end.

It was time. Her body was shutting down, just like her heart had.

In a moment of panic, Kailiax dragged herself to the hospital, barely able to hold herself together as she stumbled into the emergency room. Her voice was weak, trembling, as she told the nurse, “I think I’m dying. My heart… I can’t take it.”

The nurses quickly rushed her into a room, the cold sterility of the hospital a jarring contrast to the storm raging inside her. As the doctors began running tests, Kailiax lay on the examination table, staring at the ceiling with vacant eyes. She had lost everything. What was left for her now?

An hours later, the doctor returned, clipboard in hand, his expression more curious than concerned. Kailiax braced herself for the news, certain they were going to tell her that her heart was giving out, that the pain had become too much for her body to handle.

But instead, the doctor gave her a look of confusion. “Ms. Kailiax… you’re not dying.”

Her mind recoiled. “What?”

The doctor hesitated for a moment, as if unsure of how to proceed. “The tests show… you’re pregnant.”

The words hit her like a blow to the chest, knocking the wind out of her. “No,” she whispered, shaking her head, unable to comprehend what he had just said. “That’s not possible. There has to be some kind of mistake.”

But the doctor shook his head. “There’s no mistake. You’re about three months along.”

Kailiax stared at him, her world spinning in a different way now, her grief momentarily suspended by the sheer weight of this revelation. Three months? How could she not have known? How could she have missed something so important?

But then she remembered—the last three months had been nothing but darkness. Nothing but pain. She had been so consumed by her grief that the idea of life—of something growing inside her—hadn’t even occurred to her. It didn’t make sense. Her heart had been breaking… but now she found out that life, a new life, was growing inside her all along.

Her hands instinctively moved to her stomach, her mind struggling to reconcile the overwhelming loss with this impossible gift. How could she have been so blind to the life she now carried?

As she left the hospital that day, the world outside seemed too bright, too vivid compared to the heavy weight of sorrow she had carried for so long. The grief was still there, raw and unrelenting, but something else had begun to stir—a tiny flicker of life that she hadn’t realized was there.

And with that flicker came something else. Each time she closed her eyes, she could still hear his voice. He whispered to her, comforting her, as if to remind her that he hadn’t left her completely. In her dreams, he held her close, kissed her forehead, and smiled. It was as if this was his way of staying with her, of giving her the strength she needed.

This was his final gift to her. A piece of him. A reminder that love, even in the face of death, could still create something new.

Kailiax walked home in a daze, her mind swirling with confusion, disbelief, and the first glimmer of something she hadn’t felt in months—hope. She wasn’t sure how she would navigate the path ahead, wasn’t sure if she was ready to raise a child without him. But she knew, in her heart, that this was part of their story. Part of the love they had shared. Part of what was meant to be.

This was their goodbye gift—a new beginning, even in the midst of her darkest days.