How to start bettering yourself if this "self" has been already broken?

2.

Don't think I can take it

With every drama a piece of me dies

Like some kind of sadist

I think that he likes to see the pain in my eyes

[...]

Nine one one, I need someone

My baby plays me like a game

I'm not having fun

- "911", Ellise

***

Anthony was fucking exhausted. He's been working for something like twelve hours straight now. And well, maybe it wasn't the worst day he has ever had. But still, some days even a normal stuff feels worse than usually. And that was one of these days.

Just one shoot more.

One.

Shoot.

More.

He had a break for changing clothes now. Well, if these... short and tight parts of uncomfortable material could be called that.

He quickly changed. Then, Anthony took out of a drawer a small box and got two pills out of it. He swallowed them, not even needing any water after that long time of practice.

Two more or less, who cares. He had to handle one shoot more somehow. And drugs were good enough to help him once more.

Anthony looked into the mirror and found there exhausted, broken face that turned out to be his own. He was staring at this for a while, trying to find his own expression, his own self in this white demonic facade. When he failed, he started to put on it some make up, his hands were trembling a little from tiredness. 

"You ready, cariño?," Anthony heard giving him unpleasant shivers voice. 

Okay, now those two pills were completely justified. And he wasn't even sure if were enough.

He put on his usual smirk as Valentino came into his dressing room without even knocking. This room didn't have  any lock, but Anthony stopped caring about that a long time ago.

What if someone will see him naked or almost naked?

Hell, this question from the beggining of the deal with Val was now making him laugh bitterly. Most of hell's population saw him naked, and probably half of it he had to fuck himself.

"Almost done, Val," he said now, putting on a second eyeshadow. 

"Good boy." Moth demon grabbed him from the back, pulling spider onto him. 

Anthony did his best to not to flinch, and he just turned around in Valentino's arms, playing with moth's  hearts-decorated fur a little to the point Valentino smirked wider and squeezed Anthony's sides. Spider covered the grimace of pain at the claws digging into his fur and skin with a wide smirk, matching Valentino's one.

"Anything for ya, daddy~" 

Valentino pushed Anthony's body a little more, his eyes were taking in spider's body, without any shame looking at his almost naked flesh.

They stood like that in a dressing room for a while, Valentino's lower hands were hungrily roaming over Anthony's body, while the left higher one played with spider's chest fluff and fingers of the right one were digging into his back, keeping him close.