Just A Wish; Happily Ever After

18.

I had not thought of how I was going to explain why TA was dropping me home or what I was doing with him. My mind was occupied with only Rohit and how was he, or if Rohit was deeply injured or crying for me. But when I saw the neighbours standing in a group outside the house of the Sharmas, I realised the depth of the consequences of them finding TA with me. I had unconsciously shivered. TA noticed. He parked the car in front of the Baghel Mansion. And for a second, I hesitated in getting out of the car. What would they think? What what things they would say? They will make unnecessary 'masala' and 'til ka taad' of this whole situation. And they will inform Mummyji. Mummyji will be mad out of her mind. She will punish me. And Karan.... Bhagwan...!  I shivered at the thought alone of his reaction. He had forbidden me to come in front of his guests. And here I was befriending one.

"Sadhna? Are you cold? Do you feel ill?" TA had checked the temperature of my forehead with the palm of his hand. I had shaken my head, "no. I-- it's--" How could I explain that I couldn't bring him inside with me? The insinuation of my such action, in my head alone, was terrible. I didn't want to make TA feel bad. I was in such a dilemma! I couldn't also tell him why I couldn't bring him inside! He was unaware of my situation and I couldn't tell him. What should I even do? It had nothing to do with my choice. It had everything to do with the rules stamped on me. I had to oblige. Otherwise, I would face bad consequences. I had never felt so stuck.

I had to choose between Rohit and myself.

Yes, I didn't care about what would happen to me. Yes, I didn't care what my in-laws and Karan would think of me. Yes, I didn't care about what they would do to me.

What I cared about was TA and how he would feel. I couldn't tolerate it if he felt even an ounce of hurt and sadness by my actions.

What I cared about was if Rohit was fine even if I got hell to reach him. I was already feeling terrible for not being with him earlier.

"Sadhna?" TA had looked exactly as he sounded. Confused. Worried. Hesitant. I could see how much he wanted to ask me what was bothering me, but he was bound by the limitations and boundaries that he couldn't cross. Maturity was a relief. And sometimes, it was a boon. If he was immature enough, like usually people his age, he could have asked me easily. Even he could have thrown his own assumptions and opinions, accompanied with not-so-good remarks. If he was a little shameless and nosy, like youngsters his age are, he could have asked me and commented here or there.

Like a blessing, miracle, or rarity, he was none of those.

"TA, I--" I took a deep breath. TA was patiently waiting for me to speak. "TA, can you drop me back on the road?" TA had immediately frowned, the 'why' almost came out of his mouth but I had spoken first, "without asking me anything? I understand I seem stupid, and asking too much from you. But please, there are things in people's lives that are complicated and hard to tell. I hope you understand me, TA."

Without uttering a single word, he had turned the car around and only stopped at the road outside of the colony. He had stepped out of the car, hailed an auto immediately, and then shifted the grocery bags from the car trunk and into the auto.

I had felt guilty and terrible and wanted to apologise to him immediately. I had, in the end ultimately, made him upset and hurt. No words, though, formed in my throat. I, simply, had watched him, standing beside the car, loading the bags in the auto.

I had felt pathetic twice in the span of two hours for hurting my two most important people.

"TA, you!!" The auto driver screamed. He had recognised TA. TA greeted his fan with a small nod and smile. The auto driver jumped out of the auto, took the last of the bags from TA's hands, and exclaimed, "I am your big fan, Sir!" TA smiled, "Thank you." The auto driver shook TA's hands and asked, "Can you give me an autograph? Can I take a selfie?" TA had chuckled and nodded, "sure!"