the hope of it all

four

The next day dawned clear and bright, with the sound of seagulls and the warm sun streaming through the windows. For a brief moment, lying in bed with Lexa still curled up next to me, everything felt perfect. Peaceful. The kind of peace I used to feel every summer here, before everything became complicated. I stared at the ceiling, trying to hold onto that feeling, but the memories of last night rushed back—the moped ride, the tension, the silence that had filled every moment between Bellamy and me. It was like a wound I couldn't stop picking at.

I slipped out of bed quietly, careful not to wake Lexa, and made my way downstairs. Aunt Mary had already left for work, and the house felt empty in a way that reminded me of when I was a kid here, sneaking downstairs before everyone else woke up. The group chat buzzed on my phone, and I saw Octavia's messages about plans for the day. She'd suggested a beach day on Assateague, a tradition we'd kept every summer for years. It was a chance to pretend things were normal, to cram three months' worth of summer traditions into one week. It was the perfect distraction.

I replied, saying I was in, even though I felt a knot of dread settle in my stomach. I needed to get out of my head, and maybe today, I could finally feel like I belonged here again.

By mid-morning, the group was packed up and heading out to Assateague. We piled into two cars, with Raven, Murphy, and Monty already arguing over who would get the best spot on the beach. I tried to focus on their familiar bickering, letting the sound wash over me, but the tension in my chest wouldn't go away.

In the car, Lexa squeezed my hand, her smile warm and easy. "I'm excited to see these wild ponies you keep talking about."

"They're pretty amazing," I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as she did. "You'll love it."

"Just don't expect me to chase after them," Murphy mumbled from the seat behind me.

"Like you could catch one," Bellamy muttered, looking up in the rearview mirror. I avoided looking directly at him, but I could feel his eyes on me. It was like an electric current, the kind I'd felt when we were younger—one that I'd trained myself to ignore. I told myself I just had to make it through today, that we could be normal, that I could handle it.

I repeated the mantra in my head: I'm happy. I'm with Lexa. Bellamy is married. We've moved on. But it felt hollow, like I was convincing myself of a lie. I stared out the window, watching the marshland blur past. I couldn't help but wonder how different our lives could have been if we'd made different choices. If I was missing out on something I'd never have again.

The familiar roads took us over another bridge, past wetlands until the beach came into view. I took a deep breath as we parked, feeling a small sliver of tension ease. This place had always felt like an escape, a place where everything could feel simple again. Maybe today, that would still be true.

The group spread out as soon as we reached the shore. Gina, Raven, and Lexa laid out towels on the sand, already stripping down to their bathing suits. Their laughter filled the air, and I forced myself to smile, hoping the beach's familiar magic would work on me.

Bellamy was next to me, setting up the cooler, and I could feel the pull of his presence once again. It was like gravity, impossible to escape. I wasn't ready to deal with him, not after last night. So, I turned toward Lexa, forcing a smile. "I'm going to check out the water," I called over to her.

She glanced back, waving. "Have fun! I'm gonna hang out with Raven."

I started walking along the edge of the water, keeping my pace slow, letting the water lap against my feet. The ocean breeze felt good against my skin, calming the anxiety that had been building since last night. For a few moments, I allowed myself to forget everything—the wedding, the tension, the complicated feelings swirling between Bellamy and me. The sand beneath my feet and the rhythm of the waves felt familiar, comforting, like they could wash away everything.