our little lifetime || taylor hawkins and dave grohl

chapter three - talks with t

TAYLOR HAWKINS POV:

It wasn't rare for me to sleep at Dave's house. I had a room round there, and since him and his girlfriend broke up, he was there alone. Dave didn't mind being alone like I did. As much as I hate talking about the overdose, I really wanted to tell him how I felt about this, and tonight was a way for me to do it.

Ali was too worried for me and needed her mom to keep her from getting too stressed. I understood what she was doing but I wanted to comfort her. Ever since she fell pregnant, we've been different. She still loved me, I still loved her (at least I think I do) but there's a gap in our love that I have tried so fuckin' hard to fill but I just can't. I knew she wasn't there for me in the hospital, because I knew thought it was my fault. I guess it was. But Dave was there. And that's all that mattered.

Dave and I sat down in his living room and he asked, "So, you wanna talk about anythin', I'm here to listen, man," I sighed internally. Where the fuck do I begin. I'd been thinking for so long on how to approach Dave so I could share my trauma with him, without feelin' like such a fuckin' burden, but I didn't even have to approach him. He fuckin' asked. Here goes nothing.

"Since I came out of the hospital.. I uh-" I started stuttering but Dave just looked on to listen and I just kept going, maybe too quickly, "Alison and I haven't really talked about anything, and I know she still loves me but it isn't how it used to be, I totally fuckin' get it if she hates me, and if you hate me by the way, I know it was a shitty thing to do and I know it was and I wasted your time and her time, and she was gettin' really stressed and I don't want it to affect the baby and I feel like I'm such a fuckin' problem now and my head is so fuckin' fucked, Dave. I miss everything the way it was before but it's not going to be like that ever again and I don't know if this has made me realise that love's not all it's cracked up to be, I mean if she wasn't there when I was at the lowest point in my life, then when is she goin' to be there, and I know my fuckin' son is in her body and she's lookin' after him but she's not even bothering to try and look after our love, or me, she's just fuckin' hiding and I don't know if what we have is even a fuckin' thing anymore..."

The words shot out of my mouth like bullets from the barrel of a fuckin' gun but man it was good to let them out. Dave was processing for a moment and it made me anxious that I'd said too much.

And like the fuckin' legend he is, he reassured me. "T, if she doesn't love you for what you are then that's pathetic, but I know for a fact she does. I know I've never been great with girls, I mean me and Melissa just fuckin' ended it, but she cares for you T. I know she hasn't really shown up but I will always make sure I do. And I'm not tryin' big up my ego like 'oh I was there, and Alison wasn't' but I'm trying to say you'll never be alone, even if this is the end. And I want you to be able to fix things, but it shit hits the fan, I'm always here T."

By this point, I was crying. As embarrassing as it was, finally, the feeling of relief washed over me and I was in the company of the best fuckin' person on the planet. While the tears continued to stream, Dave looked and me and persisted to say, "I'm gonna help you through this T, I promise."