Taken

Chapter 2

Tan tried to relax. Listen to the music, the laughter of his friends. Focus on the smell of the barbecuing meat. Feel the warmth of Fang's thigh beneath his head, the grass tickling his bare ankles. Concentrate on the feel of Fang's fingers running through his hair, his long nails scratching gently across his scalp. There were so many better things to be focusing on but instead his mind insisted on watching Fai. The harder he tried, the more his eyes drifted to her. He'd tried simply shutting his eyes but that hadn't worked either.

He'd initially been overjoyed when the gang had decided to spend their fall break camping. He loved spending time in nature, whether forest, beach, or mountain. Anything that got them out of the city. But then they decided to invite Fai. Which, don't get him wrong, he was happy about. He was. No, really, he was. He was happy to see her included, especially when he'd heard her other friends had all gone home and so she'd been left without anything to do but go home too. So when Q and Peem had invited her, he'd been happy for her. Plus, she fit seamlessly into their group, kind and funny.

But then he remembered the way he kept catching her looking at Fang and suddenly his happiness at her presence was gone. He didn't want to be this petty. Or jealous. He knew that although they'd dated for a few months, there was nothing between them anymore. Fang had given him nothing to feel anxious about. He was nice to Fai, friendly, and polite. But nothing more. He'd spent no more time talking to Fai than anyone else in the group. Maybe even less. He didn't look at her longingly, barely at all, unless he was talking to her, which wasn't all that often.

But while Fang wasn't looking at Fai in any worrisome way, Fai was. Or at least he thought she was. Between conversations, he'd see her staring at Fang with this .... this look on her face. One he had a hard time defining. He tried to convince himself it was just curiosity. Just a friendly ex curious about how their ex was doing. But there was also something else reflected on her face. A softness to it. A sadness. When he saw it, his stomach lurched, his heart beating uncomfortably tight. The recesses of his mind told him that was a look of longing and regret. But he didn't want to acknowledge that possibility, so he tried to ignore it.

"Hey, you doing okay down there? You seem like you're somewhere else. Everything okay?"

"Hmmm? Oh, sorry babe. Just daydreaming."

"You sure? You've been kind of weird lately."

"Weird. Nah. Don't be silly. I'm totally fine." Desperate to prove his point, he sat up, kissing Fang loudly before Fang could avoid it.

"Tan! Not in front of everyone!" Pushing Tan away from him, Fang tried to stand up, but Tan was quicker, knocking him backwards onto the grass, tickling him mercilessly, attacking the skin now accessible when Fang's shirt had lifted slightly.

Fang laughed out loud, despite probably trying desperately not to. Finally wiggling out from beneath Tan, he looked ready to provide a lecture, but was interrupted by Tan lunging for him. Running off, Tan close behind, Fang hid behind Phum, yelling out "Tan! No more!" Phum rolled his eyes, continuing to eat, unbothered by the pair.

He held his hands up in surrender. "You win babe. You win. I'll go get us a drink."

As he walked away, he noted Fai's eyes following Fang as he sat down beside her. It unnerved him that he couldn't hear what they were saying while also recognizing it would be incredibly overbearing to hover around them every time they interacted. So he focused on refilling their cups with beer, turning to head back, and finding their spots empty.

Rushing back to the table, beer sloshing over the edges of the cups, he asked Phum where they'd gone, hoping he'd kept his rising panic from his voice.

"Huh? I don't know. They were here, then they weren't. I didn't really pay much attention to it. Why? Do you need Fang for something?"

"Ummm .... well, no not really. I just .... brought his beer! Yup, brought his beer. Thought he might want it wherever he went off to. In case you knew. You know .... where he went."

Phum looked at him curiously, as if deciding whether Tan's rambling was a source of concern or just him being his usual chaotic self. "I don't. Did you need me to help you look for him?"

Damn it. Clearly he'd tipped Phum off to something being wrong. "Nope. No. I don't need your help. I don't even need to look for him. Nope, he can go wherever he wants. No need to find him." After several moments of awkward staring, Phum finally shrugged his shoulders, "Well, let me know if you change your mind and want my help."

"Okay. Sure. Yes. Wait, I mean no. No thanks. I'll just .... ummm .... head over there." He pointed awkwardly in some vague direction behind him, shuffling away from Phum, two slightly less full cups in his hands.

After scanning the area, he realized that neither Fang nor Fai were anywhere close by. Admitting defeat, he put their beers down, heading off to search other places. It was hard enough to control the rampant thoughts of his mind when they were visible to him but now that he didn't know where they were? He found himself completely unable to manage the feelings attached to that.

He checked every inch of the campsite before heading down the path towards the riverside. As he neared the water, he began to hear voices over the sounds of the water crashing gently against the rocks. Quickly stepping behind a nearby tree before he was seen, he listened in on the conversation, knowing he probably shouldn't. Fang would consider it rude. But maybe Fang didn't have to know. So he stayed where he was, silent, unmoving, hoping for some insight into whether his worries were based in reality or made up in his own spiraling head.

"It's just, I can't stop thinking about it. About us. I know it's been a long time and we weren't together long. But I see you with Tan and I remember what an amazing boyfriend you were, even though we never developed into anything more. I remember all the subtle, little, sweet things you did for me, just like you do for Tan and it just makes my heart hurt. Makes me wonder what would have happened if we hadn't given up so quickly."

"Fai .... "

"I know. I know you're with Tan. I'm not trying to break you up, really. I'm not. I promise. It's just been hard to keep these feelings to myself and I felt weird talking about it with other people." From behind the tree, Tan could hear her breathing deepen and speed up even from his hiding spot. Peeking his head out, he watched as Fang placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to be more on her level.

"Hey, it's okay. Take some deep breaths. There's no need to panic, I promise." Tan couldn't decide if he was horrified by the scene in front of him or if it was just one more thing to add to his things Fang is amazing for pile.

"There you go, deep breaths."

Tan watched her head dip down, imagining there were tears in those eyes.

"It's just. I feel so bad about it. I can't stop it but I want to. I don't want to feel this way. I'm happy for you and Tan. I am. You're so cute together and I can tell how much he loves you. How much you love him. It's just .... maybe if someday in the future .... not that I'm hoping you'll break up .... but if you aren't together in the future .... maybe you'll reconsider me?"

Tan's stomach dropped as he watched Fang pull Fai into a hug, whispering something into her hair. Refusing to watch anymore, he ran back up the path, breaking twigs under his feet, confident the noise had notified the two he was running from of his presence.