Love in the Shadows of Time

The confusion of feelings

A Day in the Park and the Confusion of Feelings

Good morning, guys! It was just another usual day, but today our tuition sir asked us to meet in the park at 7 AM. I hurriedly got ready, excited yet nervous about the day ahead. After fifteen minutes, I arrived at the park, my heart racing as I waited for him to join us. I wandered around, but he didn't come. My classmates and I played and laughed, but I kept glancing at the entrance, hoping to see him.

Finally, we went to tuition. Just as I was settling down, our sir walked in, looking serious. "Who didn’t come?" he asked, scanning the room. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Ansh didn’t come!" Regret washed over me as sir called Ansh's name for the next day. I felt a chill run down my spine when I saw him get hit with the scale. Just one hit, but it felt like a thousand. My heart ached for him, and guilt gnawed at me for the rest of the day.

When I got home, I tried to distract myself by putting henna on my mom's hands for Karwa Chauth. But all I could think about was Ansh. I know it sounds childish, but I was just a teenager.

The next day, I was in tuition again, sitting quietly when sir told us he got a job at a college, so he wouldn’t be able to teach us anymore. I felt a wave of panic wash over me. Would I ever see him again? But then a girl came in, and sir announced she would be teaching us from now on. I felt relieved that I would still get to see him.

During one of our sessions, I was sitting close to him while he taught me some math questions in his notebook. The way he explained each problem captivated me; his voice was smooth and confident, guiding me through each step as if unraveling a beautiful mystery. I found myself lost in his deep eyes behind his spectacles, mesmerized by the intensity of his gaze. I stared at his spectacles, his veiny hands as he wrote, his curly hair falling just right, and that simple black earring in his ear. I couldn’t focus on the math at all!

One day, we argued about something, and I playfully said, “What do you think you are, a hero?” He confidently replied, “Yes, I am!” Inside, I thought he truly was a hero in my eyes.

But as much as I adored him, I was also in a serious relationship with my other best friend, who always made me happy and supported me. Yet, Ansh was different; he felt like my soul mate. Whenever I was with him, it was as if I were tuning into my favorite show, completely captivated and unable to look away. He brought color and excitement into my life, making every moment with him feel vibrant and meaningful. While my best friend provided comfort and stability, Ansh sparked a fire within me, awakening emotions I never knew I had. He was my favorite person, my "TV" in life, filling my days with drama and passion, and leaving me overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings for him.

Back to the present, he asked me a question, pulling me from my thoughts. “What happened?” he noticed me spacing out. “Nothing,” I said, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Okay, practice this question at home,” he told me.

Our teacher, Di, then said to Ansh and me that we would have a social studies test on Chapter 1 tomorrow. I was excited since I was good at SST, so I studied hard for it. The next day, Di announced it would be an oral test. One by one, she asked questions, and I got them all right. Ansh, however, got two wrong. I felt proud of myself, especially since he usually outperformed me in dictation and math.

After our classes, Di told us we would have tuition at her house from now on. The next day, I arrived at her home, surprised to see so many students. I had never studied with such a big crowd before, but I had to do it for him. I found a quiet spot and sat down. Di gave me a math test, but I struggled to complete it properly. Ansh was asked to check my answers, and as he looked through my notebook, he pointed out my mistakes, saying, “This is wrong… and this too.”

But then my sister said dii did so many wrong answers in sarcastic way he shouted, “The questions are right!” defending me. I was confused. Did he like me? Because before he didn't even like the single mistakes now he is defending me.I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I was too scared he might not feel the same way.

The next day, Di gave us a social studies test, but she didn’t give me the chapters I had studied. I ended up getting bad marks and felt humiliated when Di hit my hands with the scale fourteen times in front of Ansh.

The following day, I told Di that the chapters weren’t fair, but she didn’t listen. I stood in tuition for an hour, feeling lost. Suddenly, Di received a phone call. She answered, “Oh, Ansh won’t be coming anymore. His mom doesn’t like the timings.”

I was shocked. My heart dropped. Just like that, he was gone, and I never got to tell him how I felt. Did he even like me? Why didn’t he say anything?

I spent the next few days crying at night, missing him. I kept looking at the wall where we had once written each other's names—his name written by me and mine by him. It was a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

Now, all I had were my thoughts and memories of him, questioning if any of it had been real or just my imagination.