Come back to me.

6.

Harmony~

Last night Jacobi drove me home. Insisted because I was too drunk. That's about the last thing I remember so I wasn't that surprised when I walked in on him passed out on my couch. I walk over and pull one of his curls"boing" I've wanted to do this for so long but he never let me touch his hair. I go ahead and pull back another one"Boing" I can't help but let out a small laugh"Boing" he starts to twist and turn but it doesn't stop me"Tiny,what are you doing" his deep husky voice makes me stop.

He opens his eyes a little,blocking the sun with his left hand. And it is just now that I realize he's shirtless."Hey doofus,where's your clothes?" He smirks and points to me. I look down and...I'm wearing his shirt. I nearly puke"Relax,we didn't fuck. You threw up then decided it was a good idea to use your shirt to wipe your mouth then cried because you didn't want to throw up on anymore of your shirts so I gave you mine"

He's so nice when he wants to be."I wouldn't have minded if we did fuck though" he's ruined the mood once again. I sigh and walk to the kitchen to prepare my coffee. He follows behind me and leans over the counter top,watching me. My legs feel so free,what the hell. I look down and see that I'm only wearing underwear. This is a shit show. "Do you want something to eat before you go?"

"I can't stay?"He makes a pouty face that makes me laugh a bit."Sure you can,until like 11:00. I promised my friends I'd hang today and study" He takes a deep breath followed by a sigh. He pushes himself off the counter and his expression changes"Right" he says lowly.

"Egg on toast sound good?" He nods as he takes a seat at the table. I take out all the things and begin to make the food. It's weird how I've gone from hating him to feeling bad and wanting him around. I also thought about if maybe I only want him around so I don't feel guilty,but it's something else. And I can't put my finger on it"What are your plans for today?"

He shrugs. I thought it would be followed by him listing things but it's silence"Nothing?" He shakes his head. Wow,he really does live a low-key life."Do you wanna hang out with me and my friends?" He looks as if he considers it for a second but then declines. I just shrug it off and slide him his plate"Thank you chef Harmony" I nod. I watch as he inhales the food,it's almost like he was the drunk one.

He looks up at me with a confused expression "Where's yours?"I figured that since I'm gonna eat later with the group that I should probably just wait instead of being a fat ass. "I'm gonna catch lunch later"He's still looking at me,concerned like always"I'm fine,just not hungry"He accepts it and continues to eat his food."your doggy was pretty shit faced last night,probably doesn't even remember you leaving with me"I smile,at least I know I haven't troubled Xander.

"Don't call him my doggy,if anything,you're more of my doggy than he is" he snaps his neck at me and I laugh."I mean come on Kobe,ever since" I stop myself. He's looking down at his plate,I do not want to bring this up. I don't know why I even came close. It does make me think,he gets upset when I bring it up so maybe him following me around is to make him feel less guilty. He mumbles something but it's too low for me to hear.

I let it slide and I just check the time on my phone. It's getting pretty close to the time they should be on the way,I don't want Xander taking this all the wrong way. "You should probably get going,they're gonna be on their way soon" He nods and throws his plate and fork away. I watch as he throws his hoodie on and grabs his keys"Bye tiny" He send a smile and as he grabs the door,I grab the loose part of his hoodie. I stand close to him,looking up"I'm sorry Kobe,you aren't a doggy. Thank you for being so nice " I hug him,it feels warm and familiar.

And when his arms reach around my waist,I sink into it,instead of pushing him away. It's almost like this is what I've wanted. He pulls away and walks out the door with nothing but a smile.I look at my house and sigh,at least I cleaned it yesterday.

I'll just hop in the shower real quick before they get here.

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Sweats and a cropped tee will do for now. I want to be comfortable while we study. I look in the mirror and it's like my heart gets shot by a million arrows. My stomach droops out of my sweats,I look huge. It's the alcohol,and maybe the food. I don't know,everything was going so well though but I can't control this one small thing? I can't even stop myself from looking like a hippo? It's whatever. I throw on a hoodie and look in the mirror. I take a deep breath.

I try to feel that warmth again,to go back and embrace it,imagine it as if he was here. I wrap my arms around me and act as if I love myself the way he used to love me,the way he used to care. I hear knocking on the door,snatching me out of my daze. I open the door to see Jay,Xander,and Haley at the door with their bags"What up Mony"

I let them all in and they settle in my living room."So what we working on first? I already called in the food cause I'm fucking starving"

We get into studying and the whole time Xander seems off. He's quite,and stand offish. Even Haley text me while the guys were talking and asked me if me and him were mad at each other or something.

I want to know,I don't want to just ignore it and pretend everything will be fine because obviously that doesn't t work. So while we're cleaning up after Haley and Jay leave,it's pretty late."Thanks for staying back and helping me clean" He just nods"Well I'll call you" he's about to leave.

"Wait,what's wrong Xander? You've been off since last night" He just shrugs. I won't let this happen,not to us,not with him."I just" I wish for him to go on but nothing comes out" just what?" He takes a deep breath"I heard you rode to and back with Jacobi last night" shit.

I knew it"Oh"

"Yeah,so?" I sit down at the table and he sits with me"He was just helping,I was pretty drunk and he wasn't"

"Ok but when have you ever voluntarily got into the car with Jacobi Sterling since we've graduated? It's weird,you don't like him,you know I hate him"

"I mean maybe it's weird you hate him,why do you hate him so much"He stammers"I don't fucking know,why do you hate him so much?"

"I don't"I'm raising my voice,it's scary and I feel the lump in my throat as he opens his mouth to speak again"You did"

"But that's not the same Xander,you know that " I stand up and begin to walk to the living room to clean. If I keep myself busy,I won't cry."Please Harmony,enlighten me on how it's so different." I hate this,I don't want this to be happening. It's so little but means so much."Because it sure as hell wouldn't be different if I went back and magically spent the night with Alexis would it?"

I stop,how does he know he spent the night"I'm not fucking dumb,you guys fucked didn't you?"

"you asshole!" I drop the things in my hand. The lump in my throat is gone now,but I'm pissed cause what the hell."He helped me,Xander,you prick"

"Is that why you won't let me touch you? I can't barely hug you without you acting like a damn scared puppy"   "fuck you Xander,that's not fair and you know it"

He stands up and grabs his things"oh come on Xander" He doesn't say anything. I run my fingers roughly through my curls,the lump is back and it's harder to hold back."Xander please" I hear the crack in my voice as I speak. I watch him grab his keys"I didn't fuck him,I didn't do anything with Jacobi,I swear,please" it comes out in sobs and he stops. I wipe the tears with the ends of my sweater. I can't see because of my tears but I hear his bag drop and feel him wrap around me."I'm sorry Harmony,don't cry" he wipes my tears with his thumb and I sniffle.

"I'm sorry,I'm just stressed about stuff. I don't know why I ever thought you would have even considered doing that" He pulls me in and I sniffle into his hoodie. He's hugging me.

"Are you okay?" I let out a small hum and he rests his head on top of mine. We stand like this in silence for a while,the only sounds being my clock and sniffles"I have a question " I pull away to look him in his eyes,and I nod."it's been awhile and I was thinking maybe we could make it official" I smile and nod"Yeah?"

"Yeah" I say with a laugh.