In love with a Murderer

The things we hide

After our long shopping we (and our many bags of clothes) came back to Clays. We were laughing and I had to admit I had a lots of fun shopping with Sasha. Charlotte had already gone home but Clay and Kieran were already there, which was good because we didn't have a key. I had called Marla and she had sounded happy when I asked if I could spend another night here. Now all I had to do was ask Clay. When we ringed the bell it was Kieran who opened the door. I left Kieran and Sasha to talk to each other and went to find Clay.

I found him sitting on the couch, and he had this weird expression on his face. Like he was deeply in pain or something. I was just about to ask what was wrong when he turned and noticed me. Clay came to me with his intense look and kissed me. He didn't feel soft or sweet at all this time. It was very intense and he grabbed me so hard it almost hurt me. Still I didn't complain because at the same time it felt passionate. And I really wanted him. It felt like I was addicted to him. He took me to the next room and locked it. I didn't even know what room it was but I didn't ask. There was a couch and that was all I cared about.
-Clay, I whispered but I couldn't say anything else. I didn't even think anything. He was my drug and I was addicted. And for some reason he wanted me. He started to take my clothes off and I didn't resist. I felt his front getting hard against me. I took his shirt off and touched his chest. His abs. He looked at me with desire. It didn't take long for us to be naked again and he was inside me. Everything was different from last night. Last night he had been much more tender than today. It was like he had no control. He wanted me as quickly as possible.
-Oh god, Melissa, he whispered at the same time when he came. For a moment we just lay there on the couch. I was on top of him and I rested my head on his chest. Then I looked him in his eyes and noticed his expression was different. Like he had regrets. Oh no, he must have regrets about us, I thought. Maybe he noticed I'm not good enough.
-Fuck, Melissa, I'm so sorry, he said and I felt my heart almost breaking. He sure was gonna break up with me.

-I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me? I knew I was gonna ruin you, but this... did I hurt you? You deserve so much better than me, Clay said and it took me a minute to realize what he was saying. He didn't think he was too good to me. He thought the other way around.
-What? No, you didn't.
-I was out of line. I didn't think, I was... Clay said and he didn't continue the sentence. He had terror in his eyes.
-Clay, really, everything is fine. You didn't hurt me. You didn't force me to anything. Little by little he seemed to calm down.

-Umm, Clay? I asked and he turned to look at me. At the same time he caressed my hair.
-Sasha and Kieran are still there, aren't they?
-Shit! Clay said but then he laughed.
-Well we better go there, right? He asked and smiled at me.
-Sure, I answered but I didn't feel sure about that. I would die of embarrassment to see them, especially Kieran, after that. They must know what we did here.
-What room is this anyway? I asked trying to avoid seeing them.
-Just a spare room, Clay said. I looked around the room for the first time. It had a desk and chair, the couch where we were. And couple of paintings on the wall. Not much else.
-Can I stay another night, I blurted out.
-Melissa. You can stay as long as you like, Clay smiled at me. Sometimes he was very hard to read. His mood changed so quickly.
-Good. I want to talk to you about something. But not now when the others are still here, I said. Slowly we both got up, put our clothes back on and left the room. Clay noticed my hesitation so he took my hand. We went to living room where Sasha and Kieran were sitting on the couch and talking.

I was sure that they would say something to us, especially Sasha to me. I remembered this morning when she had seen us. Oh my gosh they must think we were like animals who couldn't control ourselves. To be honest I wouldn't blame them after today. But to my surprise they didn't say anything about that. And I was so thankful for that.

After a long while they left, leaving us alone. Sasha told me she would call tomorrow and I heard Kieran laughing when Clay shouted to him that he should call too and not come barging in.

-So, we're alone now, I said when they had left.
-Yep, Clay said and I sensed he was tense. Like he knew what I was going to ask him and he didn't like it.
-How long have Sasha and Kieran been together? I asked and to my relief Clay relaxed a bit.
-They've been like that for ages. Not together but like a couple. Kieran is very protective of Sasha, Clay answered.
-Kier really is a good guy, you know? Clay said and that surprised me. Did he think I didn't like Kieran?
-I know, I answered.
-I wouldn't let Sasha be with him otherwise. Sasha is like a sister to me, has always been. Want some tea? Clay asked me.
-Sure, I answered. I knew he was stalling our talk. He wasn't very open about himself and I got the feeling he didn't want to talk about his life. But what was he hiding? Did I even want to know?

Clay handed me my tea and we sat there quietly for a while before he opened his mouth.
-So, you met Charlotte today? He asked. I was a bit surprised. I mean it wasn't the topic I was about to ask first and I definitely didn't think he would ask about that.
-Yeah, so good that Sasha was here. I really wouldn't have know who she was or why she was here if it wasn't for her, I answered.
-She seems nice, I continued. This was harder than I had thought.
-She is, she's known me since I was a kid. And she makes the best food, Clay continued and smirked that sexy smirk of his. Oh god I wanted to forget about this talk and just kiss him. But I had to know who was the man I was dating.
-So you and Sasha had known each other since you were kids? I asked and he just nodded. He got more tense again. What was he hiding?
-What happened today at work? You disappeared so suddenly like someone's life was at a stake there? I asked and I saw his face hardening.
-Just a work thing, nothing interesting, I said.
-But, I started but Clay interrupted me.
-Let it go Melissa, he said very seriously.
-But I want to know, I tried but he interrupted me again.
-I said let it go, Clay shouted so loud that Misha started barking. Clay tried to show the dog that there was nothing to worry about and I was a bit shook. I saw my reflection on a mirror that was hanging on the wall and I looked scared. Clay must have noticed that too because he came to me and touched my arm.
-I'm sorry, Melissa, it's been a long day. I shouldn't have shouted at you.
-Are you a drug dealer or something, I blurted out before I could stop myself.
-No, I'm not a drug dealer, Clay said and looked at me a bit offended.
-Well what is it then? I almost shouted before I remembered Misha and I quickly lowered my voice.
-Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, Clay said firmly. I was annoyed, confused and sad at the same time. Without saying a word I turned on my heels and went to the guest house. I locked the door so Clay couldn't come there and then I felt something wet on my cheeks. I was crying. I heard the door and when I looked out the window I saw him outside with Misha. We hadn't been together more than a day or two and we already had our first fight.