"New school year, new me"... Is what I would've said if it weren't for all these useless thoughts. You see, I'm now in the fourth year of Junior high and I still don't know what the heck I'm going to do with my life! It's already the start of my last year, but I still can't stop thinking about all the things I could be doing... Like surfing, going on a girls' night out with my friends, maybe I'll even have a chance to join our class trip this year, and even see my cru-... NO. Nope; get yourself together Cara, You are already turning 16 this year, so why not act like your age? I think to myself, as I force myself up from my bed, stopping the cycle of endless doom scrolling in Instagram reels. "EUghHhH, so annoying", I whine as I get out of my bedroom, dramatically slamming the door in the process. I want to stay in my room today, but I can't because I have to fix and throw away all my clutter before school starts. All the unwanted, unnecessary, and broken stuff will be thrown in the bin, 'like my heart.' What, what am I thinking? My intrusive thoughts are getting the better of me. Oh, It's already 3 pm. 3 pm!? I need to take my head out of the clouds and start cleaning my room, stat. I just realized that I was staring at the ceiling for at least 15 minutes just planning this school year when I still have my room to clean and a family dinner by 5. I went down the stairs, hearing my own footsteps along with the annoying creaking of the staircase floorboards, while directing my eyes toward the staircase window going to the first floor. It felt like we just moved here when I never really had any other place to call home; the balance of tidiness and desolate. Maybe it's because I'm always cooped up in my room, or maybe it's just mum's minimalist taste. From the first floor, I went behind the stairs where I opened a closet filled with cleaning supplies and other gizmos my family rarely uses. I took out cleaning rags and a broom from the dusty stair closet, making sure I don't break or displace any unwanted clutter. Other than the cleaning supplies, I took with me a half-filled alcohol spray bottle, a pair of bright yellow latex gloves along with a mask... you know, for good measure. I skedaddle back to my room as fast as I can while carrying all these cleaning supplies with my two hands, being careful not to drop anything. As I go back to my room, I felt an sense of calmness, though I have to admit, my room is often untidy. My room is my comfort zone, my own sanctuary that not even my little siblings are allowed to step in, at least I don't allow them. I have to start by cleaning my desk, then my closet, then my bed, and lastly the pile of documents I keep from last year... and...I'm done! I open my bedside window, trying to get some fresh air, though I didn't expect a cold breeze from the weather forecast this morning. It's early August in the Philippines, so it's most likely going to be scorching hot in the morning 'til afternoon, then a thunderstorm later tonight. I proceeded to open my phone, gliding my fingers across the screen, checking for any new notifications, but to no avail. I try to find a playlist to fit the mood. I press play...
▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|• <34:45>
^^) Listen to this... or not. I ain't telling you what to do >:}
As I plug my headphones to my phone, I FOCUS, fighting my urge to procrastinate. As I started to clean, I kept daydreaming, as always, but I swear this one's different. I keep envisioning what my year would be, how different if would be from the last? I felt a knot tightening in my stomach. I felt incredibly how anxious I feel about what I'd pursue after graduation. What about my friends, my routine... how long do I have till then? 9...no, 10 months? What if I don't get to do everything that I want? These thoughts kept spiraling in my head as I finished cleaning both my desk, my bed, and three-fourths of my closet, putting all the unwanted clutter in a plastic bag to dispose of later. As I check the underside of my bed, a warm wind breeze blew from the window parallel to my bed. It felt nostalgic as I approach the last day of vacation. New people, new school supplies, new and harder lessons and tests, new teachers, and old friends. :)))
YOU ARE READING
Our Firsts & Last
RomanceIt was the last year of junior high for Cara, so was with Hugo. She was the most hopefully hopeless romantic in the school. She finds herself with an innumerable list of dreams and goals to complete for her life, fixating on 1 to complete for high s...
