Fly High

Chapter One

Sadness is more or less like a head cold - with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.   ~Barbara Kingsolver

She had never ever felt such a pain in her heart, it made her hollow deep within. She couldn't understand what was wrong with her? Let me introduce you to her journey. Her name was Melisa but people called her the crackhead and at that time she felt that they were correct.

She didn't know when it all started but she knew when it all became so haunting that she could not bear the thought of being in that ugly body anymore.... She is not here to make you all cry but the to try and help the mentally ill people and listen their silent pleas, their cry for help which often goes unnoticed.

She failed as a child, she failed as a daughter, she failed as a sister. Many people may talk lengths about depression but only the survivors can truly understand it. If we tell them they make fun of us and laugh at us calling us a weakling but hey it's ok to be not ok sometimes, maybe your environment and the people around you are toxic but this was not her case. Writing was her escape from this haunting world, what's your love? Don't know? Don't worry you'll find out when the time is correct, believe in God, he listens and sees all.

Ever felt like you are a burden to all and the guilt which pools inside is horrifying. It burns you within and shatters you from the inside? As a child she used to think that why do people commit suicide life is so colorful, but it all seemed so clear now the pain so wretched and burning which makes you feel all too hollow within. 

She talked to her parents; they loved her and would do anything for her happiness but what would save her from her own scary thoughts? As she saw all her peers climb the ladder of success and others simultaneously struggle while having nothing, she loathed herself more and more as the time flew. Now she was scared to choose the wrong career and was very coward to try out the things which truly gave her happiness.

Growing up in a comfortable middleclass household in Ducagon was a blessing to many. Raised as a sister to the most annoying younger brother named, Tom. She called him Tommy when he younger, when they loved each other but yes now she hated him. It is strange how with time a relationship can change from so lovely to immense hatred for each other.

As a child, she would sit alone in the library, losing herself in the adventures of Robin Hood and Oliver Twist for hours. When she was too young to read her mother would lovingly and earnestly read aloud from a colorful book filled with the stories of Cinderella, Red Riding hood, The Sleeping Beauty, Snow White etc. She loved looking at pictures while listening to her and wished she was one of those girls in the story 

But as she grew older in came her biggest enemy: her mobile phone and the Covid-19 pandemic. It ruined her relationships made her more isolated than ever, messed up her sleeping schedule, eating habits, her entrance exams. Diagnosed with severe depression, she took medicines that made her lazy. She laid on the bed for hours losing herself in sleeping, eating junk and reading stories on Wattpad or watching animated cartoons on YouTube. 

On sleepless nights, she would question to God why and what should she do now. She would ask the purpose of her life and wanted to help people as much as she could but here, she could not even help herself. As more and more time passed, the sense of helplessness and direction lessness grew. As if karma was punishing her for all the bad, she did and carried for other people in her heart. 

She tried to meditate, write affirmations, listen to uplifting and calm music, did gratitude logs, journal, chant mantras or even paint to get rid of her negativity but nothing seemed to help. Now, she experienced strong waves of headaches which felt as if it would burst her head. The rising heartbeat, thin falling hair and sunken eyes which held deep regret. The fear of failure was a constant shadow.