Book 2✔️ Between The Mafias

9. The one with the hollow feeling

I didn't know how long I slept, but I woke up and saw Leonardo's hand on top of mine.

"Hey Emilie, you're awake. You're doing good Emilie. You're strong. You will get through this. I know you will."

I pulled my hand away when he started stroking it. He looked hurt. Again. But I didn't have the energy to care anymore. I drained my tears and felt empty inside. So I said nothing and just looked out the window wishing the bed would swallow me whole.

No more baby was growing inside me. Max's child had gone. I killed our baby. I should've been a stronger mother. Maybe Anischska would be one for Max's child. The thought of little Max growing in another woman's body should've hurt me. But strangely I felt nothing. There was nothing I could do. I lost our baby, and Max would leave me for his real fiance.

It was stupid of me to think that a person as weak as me could be with someone as strong as Max. I couldn't even keep our baby alive. This was for the best. I could see why my ex Aaron easily left me for a job. I should feel offended. I used to feel mad when I thought of how Aaron left, but now, I felt nothing.

Leonardo looked like he didn't know what to do with me and that was when I saw him. Max came. Ivan was behind him. The love of my life looked broken when he saw me. He must've somehow heard about my miscarriage. Leo saw my face and turned around to see what made my expression change.

"What the fuck!"

He got up from the chair and walked towards Max, his body tense. I could see his jaw clenched from anger. He was definitely not letting Max into my hospital room. I sighed and laid back to the bed too tired to handle both Max and Leonardo. Not when my insides were so hollow that I felt nothing.

I couldn't hear them through the closed door. But I did see Leo from the large window facing the hallway. He punched Max in the face and he didn't fight back. Ivan was about to defend him, but Max shook his head and he received another blow from Leonardo on the stomach. He looked defeated. They spoke, and I couldn't hear what they were talking about. I didn't even want to know. I was too tired. I saw Max nod and leave Leonardo. His eyes were red when he looked my way. Our eyes met until he finally walked away with Ivan.

There. He left.

My heart should've hurt from the pain. But I felt nothing. My mind already thought that it was for the best. Max would be with Anischska. I'd get back to my boring life, and I'd get Leonardo to go back to doing what he usually did before he met me.

It was that simple. As simple as my current feeling, that was empty and hollow. I simply felt nothing. People worried so much for other people when it was so easy to lose them. Humans are such fragile beings.

Leonardo came back into the room. "You're good Emilie. I got you. We're coming back to my place this afternoon. No arguments. You're still not safe because of your previous involvement with Max. I have taken care of everything. Celia will come and visit in a couple of days, I told her to bring your friends. You'd like that, right?"

I didn't answer when I shifted away from him and back to looking out the windows on my other side. The sky was so blue it offended my darkening soul. So I closed my eyes and once again wished for the bed to swallow me whole. It didn't. My life was never that easy.

Later that afternoon I was back in Leonardo's guest bedroom. His house staff escorted me and catered to my needs while Leonardo went to work. I didn't mind the treatment at all. Actually, I preferred to have him away from me. He deserved someone much better than me. Someone stronger than me.

Leonardo's mother had gone back to Italy but she left a note giving me her condolences. Again, I should've felt warm and fuzzy because she was a nice woman, and I did like her company. Yet, I felt empty.

I felt nothing. My inside felt so hollow that I just shut down. Curtains were drawn and lights were off when I got under the blanket and slept the rest of the day away.

Three days I stayed in the darkness. Leonardo didn't bother me. He gave me privacy to grieve. His house staff took care of my necessities and my meals, though I stayed in bed most of the time and didn't have much of an appetite.

By day four Celia and my girls came to visit. Even they couldn't cheer me up. I wanted Max and I knew I'd lost him.

"Emilie, it's been six days." Leonardo reminded me of when he found me sitting by the window, looking at the bright blue sky and feeling nothing.

"You're right. I should go back to my place." I got up and started going through my clothes.

"Emilie, stop!" Leonardo put his hand on my wrist, and I stared at it before turning to face him.

"It's okay, Leo. I'll be okay. You said so yourself." I smiled though I felt nothing on the inside.

"Emilie, don't do this." He pushed me against the wall and pinned me with his body.

And I feel nothing.

"What do you want me to do? I lost my baby and Max left. It's all my fault. I blame him when, in reality, I KISSED YOU!" I didn't know where the burst of emotion came from, but I couldn't seem to stop it.

"Emilie..."

"No! Don't! I told you I was with Max, yet you kept on pushing your feelings for me and I kissed you back! Max didn't even know that I kissed you!" I pushed him and he stepped back and let me go. I went back to the sofa by the window and continued quietly looking at the sky. Feeling nothing even after my outburst.

*****

After one week, I finally started getting out of the bedroom for my meals. Leo still gave me the space but we did start having meals together. We didn't talk much, probably because he didn't want me to go back to resenting him.

"You know it's not all your fault." I finally said when we had the longest quietest dinner. I felt like I'd been staying at his place for so long that I missed our easy conversation. Leonardo could be such a good companion and I realized that it was time that he and I became friends.

"What is? Emilie, you can blame me all you want, and I'll take it. I just need you to bring back your smile."

I gave him my smile, even when I felt dead inside. "It was my fault too you know. Us, kissing. I did kiss you back. But...I think, I'm better now and I'd like us to be friends. If that is something you'd want to do. I think...I think I'm not over Max and don't know if I could ever be."

"Right...um, okay."

He seemed hesitant but gave me one of his charming smiles, and slowly, everything seemed okay.

Maybe.

*****

Amber: We should go for an intervention.

Amanda: Uh-huh, first we need to get Angelica unglued from Ivan.

Angelica: Heyyy....