Haunted by you

Part 1# Odessa

~Cecilia~

I brought the cigarette back to my lips taking a long drag and holding it there until I felt a burn in my chest and I let out the smoke with a slight smile. It was a filthy habit. But then again I never was a quitter .

I looked around. I sat on the large open window frame in my bedroom. Just a slight lean to the right and I would fall. Plummet to the ground with a splat. The rain had slowed outside as I blew my smoke into the air for a long time. Eventually I couldn't tell if it was smoke or steam from my mouth due to the cold.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my daze and I snuffed my cigarette out on the window frame.

"Just a minute!" I yelled running into my bathroom and washing out my mouth and hands of the tobacco smell.

I took a deep breath wiping my hands on my dress before pasting a big smile on my face and opening the door. Beatrice stood on the other side looking exhausted and my face softened.

"Hey Betty." I said to our maid who had worked here for most of my life. She was a pale old woman with kind features and the only parent figure I'd ever had.

"Change your dress sweetheart you reek of smoke." She scolded quietly in that motherly tone that she had.

"Ah right sorry." I said biting down on my bottom lip.

"You're being called for dinner." She said and I sighed.

"Tell the dragons I'll be down in a second." I said before closing my door and changing out of my dress.

Deciding an outfit was one of the hardest decisions. As my father would say "we must be presentable at all times , we must be polite , we must represent elegance and poise. We must be perfect."

A Thorne is not less than perfect. And yes we were those Thornes. The super loaded ones with the perfect house and perfect business and perfect family. It was almost true. Besides the family part.

This family was so far from perfect it was sickening. I walked downstairs as slowly as I could as if it would somehow prevent me from seeing them.

When I reached the dining room table my father looked up from the table with the deadly look in his eyes that he always kept for me. Kyren Thorne, founder of Thorne jewellers and unfortunately, my father.

"Tardiness is not a Thorne Cecilia." He said in an authoritative tone. One a teacher would use when you were misbehaving.

"Yes father." I drawled out boredly as I took a seat. I glanced at our dog Maple before lifting the table cloth so she could sneak under it.

I pet her under the table as we all ate silently. Like dolls placed at a table. I poked at my food with my fork. Picking it up before dropping it back onto my plate.

"Do not play with your food it is ill mannered." My father said and I placed my fork down.

"Of course father." I said dryly and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm not a fan of your tone." He scolded and I rolled my eyes not looking at him. "Why don't you keep that smart mouth of yours shut?"

"I'm sorry." I gritted out but what I really wanted to say was fuck you. I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs.

"So are we going to share our achievements of the week?" My father asked and my stomach turned. Of course the part of dinner I dreaded.

Some stupid measure of worth in our family. We were achievers. Failing was not in our blood.

"I'll go first." My father said. "Over the past 5 days we have gained over 6000 clients." My father said proudly and my mother and sister were quick to applaud him.

"I got an A+ in biology." My sister said with a big smile before smirking at me. She was only 16 but her arrogance was unmeasured.

"Cecilia?" My father asked and I took a deep breath.

"I- I don't have one." I mumbled and my father frowned.

"Why not?" He asked and my patience was shredding.

"I don't know father must I always excel at something?" I snapped. "God give me a break."

"Thornes are winners Cecilia." He said bitterly at me and I scoffed.

"Thornes are a joke." I muttered and my mother and sister shared a shocked gasp at my audacity. Their cutlery clashed onto their plates as their eyes went wide. It felt as if the whole house dropped in temperature.

I finally looked at my father and to say he was fuming would be an understatement. His face turned red as his nostrils flared in anger.

"I-" I began but he cut me off.

"Come here." He said calmly. Too calm.

Bracing myself I slowly rose from my seat and walked around the table to his side. Maple whined in protest from under the table and I knew that she knew something bad was going to happen.

I stood next to my father with my eyes glued to my shoes. He slowly turned in his chair to face me and I hesitantly lifted my head meeting his eyes. He swung his left hand across my face hard and the sound echoed throughout the lifeless house. My cheek stung but I felt nothing. All I felt was numb.

I stared at the ground not daring to move without his permission. He turned back in his chair before picking up his knife and fork and continuing to eat like nothing had happened.

"Get out of my sight you useless girl." He muttered and that was all the permission I needed. I rushed out of the dining room not breathing until I tumbled into my room.

I shut the door behind me locking it and letting out a deep breath. I let out a choked sob before muffling it with my hand. I wasn't sad no. I was fucking angry. Anger boiled through my body and consumed my mind. I choked a sob out again before pressing my hand to my mouth harder. Shut up you stupid girl.

Stupid girl, useless girl, brat , bitch , wench , whore. My father's favourite names for me.

Tucking my hair behind my ear roughly I rushed towards the window opening it wide. I sat on the window frame just as I had before and lit up a cigarette. Taking a long drag again I held it until I felt like my heart would stop. I almost wished it would.

I hiked my dress up slightly with my free hand until it was scrunched up around my waist. I stared at my bare thighs for a minute before taking another long drag of the cigarette. Then with half closed eyes I lowered the cigarette slowly to the inside of my thigh. Pressing the hot bum of the cigarette to my thigh. Pain coursed through my leg and I moaned softly pressing it harder. I closed my eyes reveling in the feeling. Silence.

Pain in the body quietened the pain in my mind. It was a horrible thing to do but like I'd said before I wasn't a quitter. I opened my eyes seeing that I had squished my cigarette tightly in my hand. I stretched my hand out dropping the cigarette onto the roof. I took a deep breath missing the pain. When I wasn't feeling pain or fear I felt nothing. I had to live up to my name after all. Odessa. The one who receives pain. But still even in 2 years nothing compared to the fear and rush he gave me. Nothing compared to him.

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Heyy guyss

Self harm is serious and needs to be talked about more. I want you to know that if you or anyone you know has ever went through this then you are not alone. I'm here for you🤍

Anywayss I know this book totally came out of no where but I miss writing so much guys. I needed a new project :) This is a little idea I've been playing around with to get out of my severe writers block.

Love you guys
MWAH 💋