The Sky is Falling

Chapter Eight - Reagan Sanchez

"You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have"

Sunday, May 24th

7PM

As I'm about to leave, I reach for a bottle of perfume. A nicer kind that I got for my birthday, but I end up using that stupid, cheap grape scented one instead. I check the note again: '3-6 photographs by tomorrow' is scrawled on the paper. I close my eyes, trying to convince myself to do this. Why did I sign up for this?

I grab my crocheted bag off the chair and shut the front door behind me. I rummage through the bag as I awkwardly walk down the steep driveway, fishing for that grape flavored Chaptick. I feel slightly embarrassed as I wipe it on my lips, like I'm succumbing to other people's wants.

What am I even doing? What am I even doing with my life? I force one foot in front of the other as I trudge down the sidewalk. What if nobody's home? Well that would kind of be favorable, to be honest. But I need these stupid pictures.

I think of how senior year flew by. And for some reason, it's really been weighing on my mind lately. That I'll never see some of these people ever again. Not that I care. On one hand I can't wait to graduate, but on the other it's kind of crazy. I always wanted school to be over and now it finally is and I'm kind of going to miss it even though it absolutely sucked.

When I was seven years old I wanted so badly to be thirteen. When I was thirteen I wanted so badly to be seventeen. Now I'm seventeen and I want so badly to just be seven or thirteen again and to not have wished away my childhood.

When I was younger, the idea of finally getting to high school seemed so far away but now I'm actually graduating and I feel like I didn't make the most of my time. Back when I was twelve years old, I made one goal for myself when I got a fresh start at this new school: make friends. And I never accomplished it. I had "friends" but they weren't actually my friends. They didn't give a crap about me and I didn't really give a crap about them. And I regret not doing more in high school. There was a lot of stuff I didn't do because I thought it wasn't cool or whatever.

I've just had a lot of bad experiences in the past few years which makes me a lot more eager to just get out and leave the place but I feel like I've failed a bit because I couldn't make what's supposed to be the most memorable years of my life go well really at all. I wish I could do it over again to experience it differently but at the same time I'm so happy to be done and I never want to step foot in a high school again.

Now, I have to think about potentially going to college and such, and that scares me. As much as high school was a pain, I don't think I'm ready to be an adult. I feel like I'm not mentally ready to leave yet. I feel way too young and directionless. Can't say I'll miss waking up at six A.M. though.

I squint into the sun lowering closer to the horizon as I turn the corner. A reminder that endings lead to new beginnings. Maybe it's the orange glow cast on the sidewalk and the trees, maybe it's the crickets chirping or the dogs barking in the distance, or maybe it's just the moment of calm before everything changes. Nah, that's corny. I mean, it sounds nice in theory, but reality isn't always that poetic. But maybe, just maybe, that sunset is a nudge to stop dwelling on the past and start considering what could be. I'm only a kid. I have my whole life ahead of me.

I take in the little things around me—the leaves rustling on trees, the mourning doves cooing, the faint sound of laughter from a nearby house. A snapshot captured in time, but these moments also remind me how fleeting time can be. I've spent so much time worrying about fitting in and keeping up that I've barely stopped to appreciate what's right in front of me.

The house.

I take a deep breath and start up the driveway. I remind myself that this is strictly a business oriented visit. I need these photographs. I'm not here to do anything life-changing or... weird.