'Not Your Fault.' 18+ [a Severus Snape fanfiction]

3

Snape paced back to his chambers, his mind swirling with conflicting emotions. As much as he wanted to deny his feelings, they persisted to overwhelm him. The memory of their shared telepathic link haunted him, the depth of it confirming that the boy's feelings mirrored his own. The connection between them was real, and despite the circumstances and the risks, there was no denying the pull they had towards each other. How was he to go back to before? Even as he sat and tried to resume his usual nighttime routine, his thoughts couldn't stray from the young man. He missed him
Missed his presence, his smile, his touch. His heart ached to be back by his side, to tend to him, to comfort him, to love him. But it was impossible. They lived in a society governed by rules and expectations, and their connection defied all of them. As the night wore on, Snape couldn't shake the heaviness in his heart, the emptiness in his chambers.

He lay awake well into the early hours of the morning, tossing and turning in his bed, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and desires. He struggled to find any rest, the absence of the boy weighing heavily on his soul. No matter how hard he tried to suppress his feelings, they remained, undeniable and overpowering. He knew that their path was blocked, their love forbidden, but his heart had a mind of its own.

When morning came, Snape woke, feeling as if he hadn't truly slept at all. The pain in his heart hadn't subsided overnight; if anything, it had deepened. As he went through the motions of getting ready for the day, his mind remained preoccupied with Noaj, the memories of their time together replaying in his mind on a torturous loop. Each passing hour felt like an eternity. He found it difficult to focus on his lessons, his thoughts constantly drifting back to the infirmary and the boy he longed to see. He caught himself staring out the window during class more times than he could count, his eyes searching for something he could never have. His heart ached, and he felt a profound sense of emptiness that no amount of work or duty could fill.

As the day drew to a close, Snape found himself eager to return to Noaj's bedside once more. The pull towards him was stronger than ever, his heart crying out for even a glimpse of the young man he'd left behind. He knew it was a dangerous game they were playing, a dance on the edge of disaster, but he was powerless to resist the allure of the boy's presence. Snape wasted no time, making his way to the infirmary with vivid purpose. His steps quickened, his heart pounding in his chest as he neared the infirmary's doors, the anticipation of seeing Noah again nearly overwhelming him.

Noah had slept through the entire day, a deep and dreamless sleep aided by the concoction of medications dripping intravenously. His body lay limp but comfortable in the hospital bed, his notepad still tucked away in his arm so that no prying eyes could read through his conversations with the professor.

As Snape made his way into the infirmary, he was met with the peaceful sight of Noah sleeping soundly, a sight that filled his heart with a mixture of longing and relief. He approached the boy's bedside, his footsteps silent against the cold infirmary floor. His eyes drank in the boy's tranquil features, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor a comforting soundtrack to his presence. He took a seat beside the Noah's bed, his eyes never leaving his face. His fingers tingled with the longing to reach out and touch him, to gently caress his face and feel the warmth of his skin. But he held back, his hands remaining still in his lap as he simply watched the boy sleep, content just to be near him once more. As he sat there, Snape allowed himself to imagine a different reality – one in which they could be together freely, without secrecy or fear. He allowed himself to dream of a future where they could walk hand in hand down the halls, hold each other close at night, and love each other openly without consequences. It was a bittersweet dream, filled with both longing and sadness, but it gave him a brief taste of the happiness that could be.

The hours passed slowly, with Snape simply watching the boy sleep and fantasizing about what could be. He knew he had to return to his chambers, but he couldn't find the strength to leave the boy's side. In the quiet solitude of the infirmary, they were the only two souls present, and he relished the intimacy of the moment. Eventually, Noah's eyes drooped open to take in the world around him, the beeping of his heart rate picking up subtly to accommodate his waking state. He blinked a few times, bringing a lazy hand to rub his eyes before closing them again and relaxing into the bed, completely unaware of the professor sitting a little ways away from the bed at his side.