Midnight Memories

5

Zayn had barely made it out of the arena before the weight of everything hit him like a tidal wave. His heart pounded in his chest, his mind racing as he pushed through the backstage door, the cool night air hitting him in a rush. His hands shook as he fumbled for a cigarette, needing something—anything—to calm the storm raging inside him.

The argument with Harry kept replaying in his head. Every word, every look, every ounce of pain in Harry's voice echoed in Zayn's mind, and it hurt more than he was willing to admit. He hadn't wanted to say those things, hadn't wanted to hurt Harry, but what choice did he have? He had to keep his distance, had to shut those feelings down before they consumed him completely.

Zayn took a deep drag of the cigarette, his chest tight with frustration. He hated this. He hated feeling like he was falling apart, like he was losing himself. But most of all, he hated that Harry made it so damn hard to walk away.

A movement caught Zayn's eye, and he turned to see Liam stepping out of the door, his brow furrowed in concern. Zayn cursed under his breath, not in the mood to deal with anyone, least of all Liam—the one person who could always see right through him.

"Zayn," Liam called softly, his voice careful, as if sensing the fragility of the moment. "You alright?"

Zayn didn't respond at first, taking another drag, his back to Liam. He hoped maybe if he stayed quiet long enough, Liam would leave. But Liam wasn't the type to back off when he knew something was wrong.

Liam moved closer, his steps slow and deliberate. "Look, I don't know what's going on, but I saw you and Harry earlier. It looked... rough."

Zayn's jaw tightened. Rough didn't even begin to cover it.

Liam sighed, stepping beside Zayn and leaning against the wall. "You wanna talk about it?"

Zayn let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "What's there to talk about, Li? Everything's fucked."

Liam stayed silent, waiting for Zayn to continue. He always knew when to push and when to give Zayn space.

Zayn flicked his cigarette to the ground, grinding it out under his shoe. His hands trembled, and he clenched them into fists, trying to hold back the flood of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I can't do this anymore, Liam."

Liam's brow furrowed in confusion. "Do what?"

"Any of it," Zayn muttered, his voice low and shaky. "The band, the tour, the pressure... it's too much."

Liam watched him closely, concern deepening in his eyes. "You're not alone in this, Zayn. We're all feeling it, in some way."

Zayn shook his head, his throat tightening. "No, it's not the same. It's not like that for you guys. You all love it—being in the spotlight, living this life. But I... I feel like I'm suffocating. Like I'm losing myself in all of this."

Liam's expression softened, and he placed a hand on Zayn's shoulder, his touch grounding. "Zayn, you don't have to go through this on your own. We're here for you, mate. I'm here for you."

Zayn swallowed hard, his chest aching. He wanted to believe Liam, wanted to believe that things could get better, but everything felt so heavy, so impossible. His emotions were spiraling out of control, and he didn't know how to stop it.

His vision blurred, and before he could stop himself, the first tear slipped down his cheek.

Zayn quickly wiped it away, but it was no use. The floodgates had opened, and suddenly, he was crying—really crying—for the first time in what felt like years. His shoulders shook as the sobs racked his body, all the pain and frustration and exhaustion spilling out at once.

Liam didn't say anything, didn't try to offer empty words of comfort. He simply wrapped his arms around Zayn, pulling him into a tight, protective embrace. Zayn buried his face in Liam's shoulder, his tears soaking into the fabric of Liam's shirt, but Liam didn't flinch. He held Zayn like he was trying to keep him from falling apart completely, and for the first time in weeks, Zayn let himself be held.

"It's okay," Liam whispered, his voice soft and steady. "Let it out, Z. I've got you."

Zayn clung to him, the weight of everything finally crashing down. He had tried so hard to keep it together, to be strong, but he was breaking. He was tired of pretending, tired of holding it all in. And Liam—Liam was the only one who understood, who didn't judge him for being weak in this moment.

"I can't do it anymore," Zayn choked out between sobs, his voice breaking. "I'm so tired, Liam. I don't know how much longer I can stay."

Liam's grip tightened, his heart aching for his friend. "You don't have to stay if it's breaking you, Zayn. You need to do what's best for you, even if that means stepping away."

Zayn nodded against Liam's shoulder, his tears still falling. He knew Liam was right—he couldn't keep sacrificing himself for the sake of the band. But the thought of leaving, of walking away from the guys, from everything they had built together, was terrifying.

"What about Harry?" Zayn whispered, his voice barely audible. "I don't... I don't want to hurt him. But I already have, haven't I?"

Liam sighed, his hand gently rubbing Zayn's back. "You and Harry are complicated, yeah. But he cares about you, Zayn. He'll understand, eventually. You just need to be honest with him. With yourself."

Zayn closed his eyes, his tears slowly subsiding as Liam's words sunk in. He wasn't ready to face Harry again—not yet—but deep down, he knew Liam was right. He needed to be honest, with Harry and with himself, no matter how much it hurt.

For now, though, all Zayn could do was hold onto Liam, letting the comfort of his friend's steady presence ease the ache in his chest.

A/N : This chapter is specially Dedicated to Liam, These chapters have been in my drafts for so long now, I didn't know he would be gone the day I decide to publish it. 

Gone to soon but Never forgotten, Love you Payno ❤️🕊️