My Teacher and I

Chapter Twenty-Five

Atticus POV 

I was back at school, but it felt like I was just going through the motions. Everything seemed dull, and I felt completely disconnected from everything around me. Every time I walked down the halls, I had this constant heaviness, like a cloud hanging over me. It was as if I was here, but I wasn't really *present*. I barely paid attention in any of my classes anymore, drifting off into my own world. During lessons, I found myself staring blankly at the board, not absorbing anything. My grades were slipping, and I knew it, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Every night I barely slept, my mind replaying that moment with Mathew over and over again. I'd wake up feeling just as tired as before, making it harder to keep my eyes open during the day.It got worse whenever I thought about Greek class. There was no way I could face Mathew—not after everything that had happened. I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him, pretending everything was normal when I felt so broken inside. So, I started skipping his class, sneaking away to the library instead. I found a spot in the farthest corner, hidden away from everyone, where no one could find me.Most days, I would just sit there, head on my arms, and close my eyes. The library was quiet and empty during that time, the perfect place to just disappear for a while. I'd lie there for the whole period, letting the exhaustion pull me into sleep. It was the only place I felt a little relief from the pain, even if it was temporary.I knew avoiding him wouldn't solve anything, but I couldn't face the thought of him—of seeing him, of pretending like nothing had changed. Every time I thought about that day, it hurt all over again. So, I kept skipping, hoping that somehow, by keeping my distance, the pain would fade. But deep down, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Today started out just like any other day. I was barely getting by, dragging myself through the motions like I had been for the past week. Skipping Mathew's class had become routine at this point—I'd just go straight to the library, hiding away where no one would find me.But today was different. The usual route I took was blocked off, some cleaning crew had cordoned it off, and I had no choice but to walk right past Mathew's classroom. My heart started pounding the closer I got, his voice getting louder as I neared the door. It was like a knife twisting in my chest, hearing him talk like everything was normal, like we hadn't just fallen apart. I clenched my jaw and kept my head down, hoping to get past the classroom as quickly as possible. But then, out of nowhere, I heard his voice—sharp, angry. "Atticus!" he called out. His tone sent a chill down my spine, startling me for a second. My heart raced even faster, but I didn't turn around. I couldn't. I kept walking, faster this time, pretending I hadn't heard him. I didn't want to face him. Not now. Not when I was still hurting so much. All I wanted was to escape, to get as far away from him as possible. So, I kept going, ignoring the way his voice echoed in my head, refusing to let it pull me back. I finally made it to the library, grateful for the solitude. I found my usual spot in the far corner, away from prying eyes, and sank into the chair, resting my head on the table. As I drifted off, I tried to forget the storm of emotions swirling inside me.But it didn't last long. I jolted awake to a gentle tug at my arm. Blinking away the sleep, I looked up to find Mathew standing there, his expression a mix of concern and frustration. My heart dropped. "Let go of me," I muttered, trying to pull my arm free from his grasp. But he only tightened his hold, and I felt a wave of anger rise within me. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?"Atticus, we need to talk," he said, his voice low but firm. I glared at him, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. 

"I don't want to talk to you. Not now."

"Too bad. You can't just avoid me forever." He stepped closer, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. It made me feel even more conflicted. "I'm not avoiding you," I shot back, though I knew that wasn't entirely true.

 "I just... I can't deal with this right now."

"Then when?" he asked, his voice softening slightly.

 "When will you let me explain? I didn't mean to hurt you."

I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed. "You already did," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "You didn't say it back. You made it clear how you feel." Mathew's face fell, and I felt a pang of guilt, but I didn't want to show it. I yanked my arm free from his grasp and stood up, backing away from him.

 "Just... just leave me alone," I said, turning to walk away.

"Atticus, please!" he called after me, but I couldn't look back. I rushed out of the library, my heart racing, desperate to escape the pain I felt in his presence.I couldn't stay at school any longer. The weight of everything was too much, and I felt like I was suffocating. I opened my car door, slammed it shut behind me, and drove off, not really knowing where I was going until I found myself at the familiar spot Mathew had taken me for our first date.As I parked the car, memories flooded back—the laughter, the butterflies, the way he looked at me with those warm, deep eyes. But now, all I felt was heartbreak. I stepped out and leaned against the car, staring at the spot where we had sat together, talking for hours under the stars.The silence around me was deafening, and I could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to spill for weeks. I slid down to the ground, wrapping my arms around my knees, and let the sobs come. It felt like the world had collapsed around me, leaving me in this pit of despair."Why didn't you just say it back?" I cried, my voice breaking. "You had the chance, and you let it slip away." The hurt washed over me in waves. I thought about all the moments we shared—the touches, the stolen kisses, the way he made me feel safe. But now, it all felt tainted. I buried my face in my knees, letting the pain flow out of me.I didn't know how long I stayed there, lost in my thoughts and emotions, but eventually, I felt a sense of calm start to settle in. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, and reminded myself that I had to move forward, even if it meant letting go of Mathew. It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced, but I couldn't keep holding onto the hope that things would change.I wiped my tears, took a deep breath, and stood up. I had to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on. For now, I just needed to be alone, away from the memories, away from him. I got back into the car, my heart still heavy but determined to find a way to heal.