a very, long rant:)

~two~

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: campfire-seventeen

okay back to what actually happened, to put this simply. there's one word that will come up in every single chapter, and that is betrayal.

so, what does betrayal even mean? simplifying it again, it stands for someone who thought you could trust stabbing you in the back and going against you...that's probably the most hurtful thing you could ever receive from who you thought was your "bff" right? but then again that one day helped me to realise that some times it's the people closest to you that hurt you the most. one of them in my friend group, k whom i thought i could trust, hurt the most. and yet she told me that i never took our friendship seriously? really? then why did i break down after fighting with you for like what, the umpteenth time because i didn't want our bond to break again? why did i ever try and keep this friendship although all of us knew it was falling apart? why did we even have to lose this, the 1 and a half year friendship that while wasn't smooth sailing, was what we wanted? (and don't you fucking  respond that you didn't want it when you yourself knew it was nice while it lasted)yes i fucking cared about not wanting our memories to shatter into millions of pieces like what glass would if you threw it hard enough. probably replicates a human heart, it shatters into a million pieces when you throw it, but because the outside is so transparent it lies a hidden beauty in it(like everything that we had before we lost it),it hurts when you regret doing that and breaking the glass, doesn't it?

pretty sure all four of us felt that once.

i just didn't get why you were so sensitive back then, i didn't, we didn't. like if we wanted to race up stairs and hide from you (as a prank or smt) and when you finally reach the top and don't see us there, you would automatically think that we ditched you and get moody...yes i'm sure it's gotten better now. you don't do that anymore, but it won't ever fucking hide or change the fact that while you were being moody because of small things, it actually upset the three of us too...could you ever imagine not knowing what to do or act after trying to talk to your (ex) bff to apologise but she just shut you out? like i really didn't get this back then and honestly, it was selfish for you to do so because all you did was keep to yourself. you didn't let us in when we are, were* your fucking ex best friends, we could have talked it out. that was one of the moments i felt it could had saved everything. it could saved all the hatred and harmful words, the words no one ever wants to hear. it could have saved the bridge that started to collapse. it could have saved us, but we are just like parallel lines you know? we just weren't meant to meet. moreover,  the audacity to show up days later acting like nothing ever happened? how hurt would you feel if that was you, huh? oh wait none, because i'm overreacting...exactly what you would say. yes K, ik we are on good terms now and i appreciate that, but you just didn't see how your actions affected us and in all my opinion, (simply based on those incidents mentioned above), you were being unreasonable...and for that, i don't see why only you could get upset and moody but we couldn't, because if we did, apparently we would be blaming you and accusing you for this, for that, for literally anything. that's one of the "memories" that will forever stick in my mind because i just can't forget that drama over such small things...before we head to the next chap, here's a message for you K, "just know i'm really not trying to shade you or anything because i will and already am stating my faults too...i really really enjoyed and truly believed we had the best friendship, the four of us, but i guess i was wrong, haha. thanks for making all our days better when we were still in the early days of the friendship, before anything started. just know that from N, S and me, we never truly wanted you to feel left out or whatever and if we did accidentally, i'm sorry. i'm sorry i couldn't fix this and i'm sorry for any words or things i did to you...we apologised and reconciled many times, didn't we? and i want you to know i mean it...i genuinely wish you the best for the remaining time you have with your current friends:) okay bye:)"

wow, what a great time to have campfire playing~

haha stream love money fame because seventeen deserves to win at MAMA for jeonghan and jun<3