☆ Painting portraits of his obsession with the blood of his victims was his Deadly Infatuation ☆
"How dare he? How can he let someone other than Kim ever touch him? Does he not know? Is he not aware of who he belongs to? That his whole body belongs...
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"Your need to kill..." Kim purrs. The warm tone of Kim's voice, like honey, melts down around Chay's mind, making it hard for him to think or even say anything.
Kim caresses Chay's cheek, sliding his hand in a lazy manner down the side of Chay's body. "It's okay, love. I knew you had it in you from the first moment I saw you. It spoke to me. Just like the touch of your hot skin and erratic breath whenever I get too close to you. Drives me crazy in the best way possible."
Chay shakes his head, "it's not like that. I—"
"It's exactly like that," Kim says. "We complement each other so much." Kim sniff-kisses Chay's cheek and in hales Chay's intoxicating scent. "We've always meant to be."
Chay lets out a soft whimper. Slowly raising his arms, he wraps them around Kim and hides his head into the crook of Kim's neck, feeling safe, protected, and understood. He really feels understood. Talking to his psychologist helps, but talking to his psychologist doesn't feel like he is understood. It feels performative. Feels like a placebo effect. And yes, maybe she is trying to understand Chay, but the reality is simple. Only someone with the same kind of desire to kill as Chay would truly understand what's going on inside of Chay's mind all the time. Kim is that someone. The only true difference between him and Kim is that Kim has never tried to fight those urges, those desires... he let it in, let it consume him, let it take over him until he mastered it... until he became one fully in control.
But Kim doesn't have a problem killing someone. Chay doesn't want to kill people.
Or at least he didn't want to kill people... now, he is not so sure anymore.
"I... I don't want to kill people... I'm afraid... I..." Chay lets the flow of his thoughts form on his tongue and leave his lips. It's all so confusing, and Kim is so warm and gentle, and Chay just wants to be told that he isn't going mad, that it's normal even if nothing about all of this... about them is normal at all.
"You don't want to, or you are afraid? Those are two different things, love," Kim lifts himself up a little on his elbows and presses a kiss to the tip of Chay's nose. "Because if you are just afraid, then that's okay, we can work on that."
Chay sucks in his bottom lip, teeth nibbling on it so harshly that he almost breaks the tender skin and gets to taste his own blood. "I... I'm scared that if I start, I won't be able to stop. The need... the need is so strong inside of me. Too strong. I can't let it push me over, Kim. I can't become a monster. I can't become like..."
"You can't become like me, huh?" Kim finishes that one silent word that Chay didn't want to say.
Chay frantically shakes his head and brings the palms of his hands to Kim's cheek, pressing a kiss to Kim's lips, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You... you aren't a monster."
Kim ducks his head and chuckles, "I am, love. I am a monster." Their eyes meet again, "but who said that monsters are bad? Why is always everything evil, scary, or unexplained a monster? Why is everything always the monster's fault? What if monsters aren't wrong? What if monsters are the bad ones simply because they don't live by the rules the society established? The society, which by the way is already sick and twisted, is more than enough... Everything around us, Porchay... everything that isn't nature... everything is the way it is because society wants it that way. Every rule, every right or wrong... What if monsters, what if I simply don't like to follow rules? What if I don't agree with what society is telling me is right and wrong? Maybe I simply don't want to live the way someone else tells me. I just want to live the way I want to live. That's all. That's how much of a monster I am." A proud smirk appears on Kim's lips, "and I love it."
