Before The Sunrise

bagel

Beth looks at my list of colors on Monday.

Mom - blue
nightmare - RED
dragon - green

I'm sure she's going to get annoyed because I could only manage to write down three events for the whole week, but she says, "Great job! I promise, this is really great. Do you mind if we talk through these things you listed?"

I click twice. My descriptions were... incredibly vague.

"Let's start with this last one, mostly because I'm curious," Beth says with a smile. "I can't believe you saw a real dragon."

I pull out my phone and show her the text conversation between me and DeAndre. I sent him a captionless picture of the toy, and the rest of the conversation went like this:

yay u found him

he seems to be lost

no he's not he's with u

do you want him back?

u can give him back whenever u want

I... have not given him back.

Beth smiles as she hands me back my phone. "I assume you didn't give the dragon back."

I smile sheepishly, clicking once.

"DeAndre's your friend?"

I click twice and nod.

"He seems like a good friend."

The best.

Beth shifts forward in her seat and asks, "Why's that making you look sad?"

I hold up three fingers.

"There used to be three of you?"

I click twice.

"What happened with the other friend?"

I shrug. I honestly don't know.

"How long ago did this happen?"

I look up from my hands, fiddling with the clicker, to make eye contact with her.

Beth nods in understanding. "Do you know why this happened?"

I click once, and I start bouncing my leg up and down.

"Have you asked this friend why this happened?" she presses gently.

One click.

"Why not?"

I lean forward and point at the word "angry" on the zones of regulation placemat.

"So you're mad at this person because they hurt you at a time when you needed a friend, and you don't know why?"

I click twice. Then I think about it, and I pull up the conversation with DeAndre again, and I set my phone down in the blue square.

"So this friend had a falling out with DeAndre, too? And it's making him sad?"

I shrug. I still don't know what happened.

Beth thinks for a moment. "Do you care about this other friend?"

I click twice. If I could click ten times, I would. I care about her, I miss her, I love her. That's why it hurts so much that she abandoned me, after she promised she wouldn't.

"I think you should talk to your friend."

I click once. She's the one ghosting me. I shouldn't have to be the one to fix it.