Trolls x Shrek Au

Chapter Six

(The group are now walking through the fields heading away from Duloc. The brothers are munching on onions)

Viva: Okay, so let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?

John Dory: Yep.

Poppy: I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that Pop Beast stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.

Branch: (sarcastically) Oh, I know what. Maybe we could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?

Poppy: Uh, no, not really, no.

Clay: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.

Poppy: Example?

Floyd: Example? Okay, um, Pop Beasts are like onions. (he holds out his onion)

Poppy: (sniffs the onion) They stink?

John Dory: Yes - - No!

Viva: They make you cry?

Clay: No, but for me, it's only when reading a sad book.

Poppy: Oh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.

Branch: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Pop Beasts have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he throws away the onion and walks off)

Poppy: (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.

John Dory: I don't care... what everyone likes. Pop Beasts are not like cakes. (walks passed the sisters)

Viva: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Heck no, I don't like no parfaits"? Parfaits are delicious.

John Dory: (Yelling) NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beasts of burden! Pop Beasts are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. (whispers) See you later.

Poppy: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole planet.

Branch: You know, I think I preferred your humming.

Poppy: Do either of you have a tissue or something? Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.

(They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. They arrive at the outskirts of a giant volcano and begin to make their way up)

Bruce: (sniffs) Whew! John! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.

John Dory: Believe me, Bruce, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close.

Bruce: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither.

(They reach the top of the climb and hoist themselves up and over the ridge)