The Dead Among Us

79. Summoning courage

Bonus ❤️

Fabia's POV

A voice nudges me from the bottomless depths of sleep; it's calm, mellow, and sweet, "Hey... Fa?... Fabia?... wake up... it's okay..."

When I open my eyes, I take in the blurry silhouette of Sabin's face in front of me and feel his fingers tenderly tucking my hair behind my ears. He then uses his palms to brush in my eye sockets like he's wiping something out of my face.

Am I crying?

I blink a few times, adjusting my vision, and suddenly detect the saline taste on my lips, the congestion in my nose, and the ache in my lungs. My body feels heavy as if it's been carrying a weight that I can't seem to shake off.

"Fa, please, what's wrong?" Sabin's voice, dripping with genuine concern, reaches my ears once again.

I take a deep, shuddering breath, attempting to slice through the fog clouding my mind. At the same time, Sabin continues to caress my hair in a soothing rhythm as if trying to tether me back to the present. His presence is a lighthouse in the storm, guiding me toward the shore of reality amidst my confusion.

"You're having a nightmare again?"

As my eyes finally adjust, I see that he's hovering over me in the bed. His brows furrowed inward, and his forehead wrinkled with lines of worry.

What do I say?!

I'm paralyzed in indecisiveness, gaping back at him.

I want to tell him so badly... I want to reveal what I did last night so we can help Eliza, but my cowardness is vanquishing my tongue.

My head curls into his arms, concealing my face from his view. I'm afraid if he looks closely enough into my eyes, he might be able to read my mind, read my unspoken admission of guilt begging to come to light.

A single tear traces a warm path as it rolls from my eye and then dangles off the tip of my nose, stubbornly refusing to drop and tingling the spot where it hangs.

Sabin dips his face in the crook of my neck and starts nibbling at me with kisses, trying to make me feel better.

"You okay?" he whispers into my ear.

I shake my head slowly, the gesture feeling heavy and laden with emotion. Almost instantly, a fresh torrent of warm, silent tears surges forth, cascading down my face and finally pushing that stubborn tear from my nose, setting it free.

"Wanna talk about it?" he murmurs.

Yes! But nothing is coming out!

I take a deep breath and swipe the back of my hand across my tear-streaked face, feeling the coolness of my skin juxtaposed against the heat radiating from my cheeks. With a mixture of dread and determination, I finally meet his gaze, my eyes searching for the compassion I desperately need. Meanwhile, I can hear my inner voice commanding me to "man the fuck up!" for Eliza's sake.

"Sabin..."

"I'm here... What's wrong? Talk to me..." he gently urges while dragging his fingertips up and down my shoulder.

My heart, body, and mind begin to battle and rage as I try to form a coherent sentence: "I... I think... I mean... I-I'm... Want to... Eliza..."

"You want to see Eliza?" he repeats in a confused tone of voice.

"...Yes..."

"I'll take you over there so you can visit her if it's bothering you that much... I've been meaning to check on Jothan too... But I can't today... Okay?"