After Everything (Hessa Fanfic)

16

Tessa POV

The day at college went by quick enough, it wasn't the same without Landon here though. I spent most of it with Maddy, another English major who I shared most of my classes with.

Landon had been texting me a lot today, sending me photos of his and Nora's trip. It was so tempting to forward them to Hardin, taking advantage of the updates from our ecosystem to spark up more conversation but I knew letting him distract me from college was a bad habit.

One that I needed to leave in the past.

I chose to walk back to the apartment, rather than my usual route on the Subway. It was about a 40 minute walk, but it gave me an opportunity to clear my head.

I stuck my headphones in as I walked, letting Spotify's recommended playlist pick my soundtrack. It gave me relevant suggestions playing The 1975 and Ariana Grande. My taste had changed since I'd moved to New York, the city forced me to listen to more pop songs. They played everywhere, you couldn't escape it. 

The next song started catching me off guard, a familiar melody filling my ears.

Looking up from underneath. Fractured moonlight on the sea. 

My hand jerked to the skip button, a natural reaction as if I had just been burnt by a hot stimulus. My central nervous system protecting me.

I stopped myself, my hand hovering.

Reflections still look the same to me. As before I went under.

This song. It was the start of it all, the dance at Ken and Karen's wedding. The moment that held so much faith, so much potential for the relationship about to come.

It ironically played at Landon's wedding, almost a sign as if to say we'd gone back to the beginning again. Our relationship starting again. Fresh with a flat ground ahead of us.

Found the place to rest my head.

These songs don't just remind me of Hardin. They remind me of suffocating. Of pain.

I have the same reaction to letting the Fray play now, turning it off before the bad memories can creep up on me again.

Normally I'd skip this song.

Today I let it play.

I sent Hardin a text, letting him know I was home as I climbed up the stairs to the apartment. I couldn't help but wonder again what he had been doing all day.

I put some spaghetti in a pan of water, reminding myself I really needed to go grocery shopping soon or I was going to starve before Landon and Nora got back.

I'll go tomorrow. I promised myself. Tonight spaghetti would do.

I sat down on the couch with the bowl of pasta, scrolling through the chain of photos I'd received from Landon earlier. I'd replied in class earlier without properly looking, telling them how lovely they were. I smiled, examining the photos of Landon and Nora holding gelato, posing in-front of the colosseum and the video of them throwing coins into the Trevi Fountain.

A reply from Hardin popped up as I scrolled.

Hardin: Good. How was your day?

I smiled at my phone, imagining another universe where Hardin asks how my day has been, everyday. He hasn't been pushy or aggressive when I haven't messaged whilst in class, and I've been making an effort to communicate with him better.

His phone-call the evening before, letting me know Kimberly was in labour, meant so much to me. Such a small gesture of sharing an update on his family with me but it made me feel so secure.