In the dim confines of his small storage closet, Saiko sat cross-legged on the cold floor, a little book clutched tightly in his hands. The room was barely big enough for him to sit in, the walls closing in around him with shelves stacked high with supplies, boxes, and tools. The dim bulb hanging overhead cast flickering shadows, but to Saiko, this cramped space was home. It was here, in this closet where he kept his few treasures—a marble, a broken watch, a button, and this precious book—that he felt safe enough to let his thoughts spill freely onto the pages.
His fingers clumsily gripped a worn pencil, and he carefully opened his diary to the next blank page, his eye gleaming as he began to write in his shaky, childlike script.
Dear Diary,
Today Doctor said I did better. He remembered that moment, his heart fluttering at the memory of those words. Even now, hours later, the memory of that faint, nearly dismissive compliment still filled him with a glowing warmth. Doctor is very very busy, but he took time to see me. He watches me carefully, even if it makes his eyebrows all squiggly and mean.
Saiko's hand paused, his lips curling into a soft smile as he thought about the doctor's stern face. He was so smart, so important. To Saiko, he was a figure of absolute authority, and every scolding, every harsh word, felt like a test, a challenge he had to overcome.
Doctor is strong and smart, and he wants Saiko to be strong too! I know Doctor hits me sometimes, but... but it's 'cause I'm not good enough yet. Doctor only gets angry 'cause he knows I can be better. Yes-yes! Doctor cares. And if I can be a good nurse, maybe Doctor will smile. I think he would look so nice when he smiles...
A faint blush dusted Saiko's cheeks as he stared down at the paper, picturing that rare, imagined expression. To him, the doctor's approval was like a fairytale, something beautiful and far-off, something to reach for. Maybe, just maybe, one day the doctor would say something kind again. Maybe he'd even smile.
If Saiko can be better, maybe one day Doctor will be proud. Maybe he'll say, "Good job," like in the stories where knights get big sparkly awards for being brave. Saiko wants to be Doctor's knight! Yes-yes, a good knight that helps him.
He paused, his hand drifting to his cheek, which was still sore from where the doctor had struck him with the ruler that day. His single eye dimmed for a moment, a faint sadness flickering there, but he quickly pushed the feeling away, scrawling with renewed determination.
Doctor's hits don't hurt too much. They just teach Saiko to be stronger! And when he pulls on my hair, it's just 'cause he's making sure I'm paying attention. Doctor knows best. Doctor is like a big, strong hero in a book, and Saiko is lucky to be his little helper!
The fantasy unfolded in his mind as he wrote, his heart racing with excitement. He imagined a story where the doctor was a noble king, a great figure who fought off monsters and led with authority. And Saiko—his brave little knight—stood by his side, always ready to help, always willing to take any scold, any punishment, if it meant he could be near him.
One day, Saiko will be brave like knights in the fairytales! Doctor will see and say, "Good job, Saiko." Maybe he'll let me sit beside him, and we'll read together, and he'll teach me things. I'll make him proud. I'll make him happy.
Saiko clutched the pencil to his chest, his eye shimmering with a mix of hope and adoration. The cruel moments, the stinging words—those were just parts of the test, he convinced himself. Doctor only did those things because he wanted Saiko to be better. He wasn't like the fairytale villains; he was the hero, the one guiding him, shaping him into something worthy.
