my lily pad

Chapter 11 - Lilly

--
"villain and violent. infant and innocent."
forwards beckon rebound,
Adrienne Lenker
--

The door clicks shut softly behind me as I step into Aiden's room, feeling a small weight lift off my shoulders. His room is calm, in a way that my house never is, a soft mess of books and blankets that makes me feel like I can finally breathe. I glance around, noting the posters taped to the wall, the clothes draped over a chair, and a photo strip pinned to a board on his desk. The room feels like him, warm and gentle, steady in a way I crave right now.

He gestures to his bed, scratching the back of his neck. "I figured it'd be more comfortable in here"

I nod, offering a small smile as I sit down. My heart races as he joins me, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from him while our shoulders touch. There's something about being here, beside him, that makes everything else feel distant, almost like nothing can hurt us in this little space we've created.

Aiden clicks the remote, scrolling through options before he glances at me. "This one?"

The title flashes across the screen, but I'm not really focused on it. I nod anyway, not caring what we watch as long as it keeps us in this quiet together. When he presses play, he hesitates, then slowly drapes his arm around my shoulders, his fingers grazing my arm in a way that sends a spark of warmth through me. It feels so natural, so right.

The movie begins, filling the room with soft dialogue and music, but I barely register it. My senses are tuned to him—the way his arm feels around me, the steady rhythm of his breathing, the warmth that seems to seep from him into me, grounding me. I lean into him, resting my head against his shoulder, and close my eyes for just a second, letting myself relax in his embrace.

But my mind can't stay quiet for long. Flashes of the last few days flicker through my thoughts, the fights at home, the things I can't say out loud, and the aching loneliness that never seems to fade. I'm constantly pulling away from everyone, isolating myself because it feels safer. And yet, here I am, leaning on Aiden without a second thought. A part of me is terrified by what I'm doing, but another part of me feels... comforted, maybe even safe. Like maybe, with him, I don't have to carry all of this alone.

I feel him shift beside me, his hand gently squeezing my shoulder as if to say, I'm here. My heart skips a beat at the simple gesture, warmth spreading through my chest. A thought slips into my mind, one I've been trying to ignore, one that's been there longer than I'd like to admit. I think I might like him, I realize, the thought startlingly clear amidst the fog of my emotions.

"Lilly?" His voice is soft, almost hesitant.

"Yeah?" I mutter, keeping my gaze fixed on the screen, even though I'm not really watching.

"You know... you can talk to me, right?" His voice is so gentle like he's afraid I might break. "About anything."

I swallow, my fingers clenching into the fabric of his shirt. I want to tell him everything, the weight I carry every day, the things that keep me up at night, the hurt I can't seem to shake. But the words catch in my throat, tangled with fear. How can I burden him with all of that?

"I know," I whisper, my voice barely audible. "I just... I don't even know where to start."

"That's okay," he says, his hand tracing gentle circles on my shoulder. "You don't have to say anything you're not ready to. I just want you to know... you're not alone in this."

I take a shaky breath, his words settling over me like a soft blanket. A part of me wants to push him away, to guard the fragile parts of myself that feel too vulnerable to share. But another part of me, a quieter, braver part, wants to let him in. To let myself lean on someone for once.

The movie continues in the background, but I'm barely aware of it. My mind is a blur of emotions—fear, relief, and something else I can't quite name. I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I blink quickly, willing them away. I don't want him to see me like this, don't want him to see the mess I am beneath the surface. Though he has seen it many times before.

But Aiden's arm tightens around me, pulling me a little closer, like he senses what I'm going through without me even saying a word. "Lilly..." he mutters, his voice gentle. "You don't have to be so strong all the time."

The words relieive something inside me, a knot of tension I didn't realize I was holding. Silent tears slip down my cheeks, each one carrying a bit of the weight I've been carrying. Aiden doesn't ask questions, he doesn't try to make me talk. He just holds me, his arm steady around me, offering a quiet strength that I didn't know I needed.

After a while, my tears slow, leaving me feeling drained but strangely lighter. Aiden brushes a tear from my cheek, his fingers gentle against my skin. I look up, meeting his gaze, and there's something in his eyes, something soft and steady, something that makes my heart skip a beat.

"Thank you," I whisper, my voice broken but sincere.

His gaze softens, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Anytime, Lils. You mean a lot to me, you know that?"

My breath catches, and for a moment, I can't find the words to respond. There's something in his voice, something raw and concerned, and it hits me just how much he cares. How much I care, too, even if I've been too afraid to admit it. I nod, a faint smile tugging at my lips. "You mean a lot to me too."

The credits start rolling on the screen, the soft glow fading into darkness, but neither of us moves. We sit there, wrapped in the quiet of each other, the warmth of his arm around me making me feel like, maybe, things could be okay.

"I should probably head home soon," I say finally, though a part of me doesn't want to move, doesn't want to leave the safety of his arms.

"Or... you could stay a bit longer," he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. There's a vulnerability in his expression that makes my heart flutter. "I mean, if you want."

I hesitate, my heart pounding, before I nod. "I'd like that."

He smiles, a soft, almost shy smile, and we settle back against the pillows, letting the quiet of his room envelop us. I lean into him, feeling his arm tighten around me, and I let myself close my eyes, surrendering to the quiet comfort he offers. For the first time in a long time, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I don't have to face everything alone.