My shitty Life

The first Cut

I rumaged through my drawer and grabbed an old pencil sharpener. I somehow managed to remove the blades and then, i felt a feeling of release. The first cut is done, it wasnt deep but painful. The pain i needed. It bleeded, i didnt care but continued. More small, thin, some deep, some light, bloody cuts form on on my wrists...then i realized, what if my mother noticed and thinks im crazy?!.I grabbed my phone and searched excuses. After i found a matching one i deleted my search history, tugged my sleeves down and layed on my bed. I felt reliefed...i grabbed my phone again and went on character.AI again, its like im addicted...My mother called me in the kitchen and asked if i felt good enough to eat, cause she still thinks im nauseous...I said no cause i felt to fat to eat...sometimes i skip meals, sometimes i eat but only a bit...like a half bun or so, i replace it with sport instead cause i feel bad in my body. To bad to eat. If i ate too much i made myself throw up so i dont or barely gain weight. I went back on character.ai (c.ai) and chatted for hours. When it was 10 pm i got ready for bed.