Dedicated to Nippy

1986 - i confess

1986

Janet laid on her back, Whitney's head clinging to her chest, cuddling closely. Janet's hand slowly circled Whitney's bare back as the moment they just shared replayed in her mind—the moans, the heat, the wetness. She shook away her thoughts, stopping herself from getting excited again.

"Janet?" Whitney called.

"Yes, sorry. Was I ignoring you? I was--"

"Your ass was daydreaming weren't you?" Whitney giggled, "I understand. That was... intense. I've never felt anything like it, honestly."

"You think I did a good job?" She asked unconfidently.

"Babygirl, you did amazing," Whitney assured her as she lifted her head to kiss her on the cheek and lips.

"I have to be honest, I feel so dumb for being so afraid to tell you... I just thought there was no way you'd ever want me back. I guess, I've never had a crush on a woman before and I was just so... I can't even explain. I just didn't want to lose you," Janet confessed.

Whitney's heart pumped, "I'll be honest... I was afraid too. My mother she- she..." Whitney choked back tears, "she's embarrassed of me and hates the way I am. She made me so afraid to love again... I just held everything inside. I denied my feelings. I'm so sorry."

Whitney couldn't help but shed a few tears. A melancholy mood had suddenly taken her over. She inhaled deeply as she opened her mouth to speak, "I was young when I figured out who I was. I met this girl... Robyn, in high school. I knew she was different. I didn't care at first when I found myself wanting to spend all my time with her I just thought I wanted her as my best friend. Then one day..." Whitney's mind slipped into a memory.

•••

It was a summer weekend. Sixteen-year-olds, Whitney and Robyn lowly giggled in Robyn's room. They had been telling each other jokes and laughing until their stomachs hurt. This was one of the many sleepovers they had. They took turns staying at each other's homes. Before meeting Robyn, Whitney didn't have many friends, of course, people she talked to in school but never her own friend. Robyn helped her feel less alone.

As the giggling died down the girls momentarily sat in silence. Suddenly the mood felt... different. Whitney caught Robyn's eyes. The night light is bright enough light for them to see each other. Whitney's heart began to pound. Her hands abruptly got clammy. She couldn't deny how she was feeling any longer. She wanted to speak but couldn't find the right words.

The only thing that made sense was to lean into stealing a kiss. Whitney leaned into Robyn and pecked her lips. She gasped as she pulled away, "I'm sorry I-" Robyn caught her lips again to shut her up. A fire burned throughout Whitney as she kissed the other girl. It felt as if she was waiting forever for this moment to happen.

"Girls, I hope you two are sl- What the hell?" Robyn's mother came into the room and the girls jumped back from each other, "Whitney, pack up your stuff, I'm taking you home now."

•••

"My mother slapped the shit out of me when I got home. The next few months were hell. She embarrassed me in church, telling people the devil got hold of me and I desperately needed prayer," Whitney cried as she spoke about the trauma that settled deep within her.

"What about Robyn? Did you guys ever see each other again?" Janet asked as she held Whitney to comfort her.

Whitney nodded, "That old bat wasn't gonna stop us from seeing one another. Of course, our mothers forbade us from seeing each other but, we didn't give a damn about that shit. But Robyn got tired, once we were older around 18-19, she didn't want to sneak around anymore. Robyn's people came around to accepting her. I knew my mother would never give me the same grace."

"So she broke up with you?"

"She found someone else, somebody not afraid."

•••

The next morning Janet woke up promptly early, as usual. She untangled from Whitney's grip and got out of bed careful to not wake up her sleeping partner. She yawned and stretched, as last night's contents came back to get. Her heart ached for Whitney. This whole time, Whitney was battling her natural feelings. She went to the bathroom and turned on the light and then the water. She brushed her teeth as she waited for the water to heat.

As Janet stepped into the shower her mind drifted. What would her own family say? When would she even tell them? Hm. She knew how she felt about Whitney and that was about it. She didn't currently care for anyone's outside opinion.

"Mind if I join?" Whitney's voice pulled Janet out of her deep thoughts.

"Oh- yeah why not."

Whitney pulled back the shower curtain and entered from behind. She hugged Janet from behind and kissed her on the cheek. "Good morning," she smiled.

"Good morning, I'm surprised you're even up," Janet responded.

"I noticed you weren't in bed. My body missed you."

Janet giggled, "You are so nasty."

They proceeded on with their showers and then got out and dressed themselves in lounge clothes. Whitney sported an old t-shirt and a pair of short shorts while Janet dressed in a crop top and sweatpants. They went to the living room and just chilled and enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the day.

The next day Janet said her goodbyes as Janet had to leave as they both had a busy few weeks ahead of them. Janet held onto her waist as she repeatedly alternated between kissing her cheek and her lips. "My god, I'm going to miss you."

"I can tell," Whitney giggled as she enjoyed the kisses, "I'll make sure I call you every single day."

"I know you will, 'cause if you don't, that answering machine will be getting blown to high hell."

Whitney giggled as she pulled Janet in for one last longing hug, "I'll see you in a few weeks, okay?"

Janet nodded as she pulled away and kissed her one last time, "I'll see you."