Surviving Us

Part One: Secrets

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I whisper to myself as I pull into a gravel driveway leading me to a large piece of grassy land half covered with trees. I pull in slowly to make sure that the camper that I'm towing doesn't bounce or sway too hard, as this is the first time I've ever driven this large of a truck and certainly the first time I've ever towed anything. I squint my eyes as I stare up at the sun beaming down on the hood of my black truck and was instantly filled with delight that I chose matte black and not some glossy color, otherwise, I fear I might be blind. I pull beyond the gravel and keep going into the grass until I make it to the tree line. I shift the truck in park but keep it running and get out slowly to try to decide where I want to pull the camper.

This was a good idea, I remind myself, looking around and seeing nothing in my line of vision except trees and grass. No neighbors, no buildings, just a sky of blue and field of tall grass. Grass, that I knew I'd have to find a way to trim, as it was incredibly tall and thick and would definitely be home to snakes. I sucked in a deep breath and decide it was a good idea to try and back up the camper into the tree line. The salesman said it would be easy to back up. "Just like a car," he promised. I found a spot in the trees that was open enough for the camper and the shed that would be arriving first thing in the morning. I get back in the truck and shift it into gear.

Fifteen minutes of going forward and backward to try to line it up, I finally get the truck and camper lined up with open space in the trees. I smiled in the rearview, obviously pleased with myself, because I could do this. Then just as soon as I started to go in reverse, the camper had plans of its own and starting going to the side. "Shit," I muttered to myself. So, I pulled forward to try again. Back in reverse, I tried again. Slower this time, I thought, as I started again. This time, it started it going to the right. I put it in park and rested my head on the steering wheel.

"I got this," I said reminding myself. I hopped out of the truck to check the back tires to make sure there were no objects messing with the tires. No holes that were making it go a certain way. And no, it was just me. So, I pulled forward a good bit and tried again. This time, the immediate shift to the left was huge. I let out a groan.

Two hours later, I had destroyed the grass in the entire area, my face red from frustration and on the verge of tears. I was no closer to getting the camper where I wanted it than when I had started. I wanted the privacy and the safety of those trees and I was determined. My heart was pounding with rage because I could feel the tears and I'll be damned if I cry over this when I know what's coming and if I cry over this then I know I can't handle what's coming. I finally decide to hell with it, and I throw it in reverse and floor it and it shifts to the left for only a second and straightens up. I take my foot off the gas and let it roll into place. A single tear rolls down my cheek once I realize that it's exactly where I wanted it to go and I did it without any help. I turn the truck off and slide out of the front seat. Before I go around back, I walk to the front and notice the grass looks like I was out there with some kind of bulldozer. I tighten my ponytail and walk around to the back and undo the hitch like the salesman showed me.

Just as I was trying to figure that out, I heard footsteps on the other side of the truck and it startled me so bad, I jumped up to my tiptoes and screamed, "I'll shoot!" When I saw who was walking towards me, I covered my mouth. A little lady wearing overalls with work boots, a flannel short sleeved shirt and her white hair pulled back into a tight bun behind her head gave me a head nod.

"I've seen ya struggling. I waited a bit then wanted to come check on ya. I see ya finally got it," she said, her country accent was strong. I smiled up at her and she finally smiled back.